if not here, WHERE?

15 months.

2010-03-11T00:10:00.001+08:00

once again im leaving blogspot to find greener pastures.
i may or may not return.

http://ifnotherewhere.wordpress.com/

now jump up lets get krazzy

2010-03-09T22:21:00.007+08:00

that's all folks

have you ever thought of selling yourself to science?

2010-03-06T13:15:00.015+08:00

'why you hold my hand!! you think im yd right!'
'why would i think of anyone who is not here?!' (insert matter-of-fact tone)
'er.......... that's called missing someone'

now i really ought to be shot, submission's exactly next saturday but i really just slept the whole day away. from 12 to 7. still woke up feeling like i haven't slept at all. friday was tgif with the bears, went on the duck tour! well, needed it for a project and all i had to ask was 'do you love me?' haha

i think we like to pretend as if we have nothing urgent to do in life, with no agenda. we go to museums, for afternoon tea, for boat rides, for afternoon beers.

hot mess

60 mins on the duck proved to be a little draggy actually. next on was 313, ramen for early dinner

forever lookin pseud0-happy

walked around abit. had a strange craving for apple pies and somehow ended up at the marmalade pantry

classic baked apple pie. i was looking for something more crusty, cookie-like but the apples were good. i've ever eaten sour apple chunks before and they're just awful.

blueberry and almond tart. saying this is dope is an understatement. it totally melts in your mouth like bread pudding. i LOVE brad pudding and it's so moist it's like heaven in every bite. and it's blueberries! blueberries in pastries are just awesome

chocolate nemesis. not exactly the kind of chocolate i can finish. the traditional fudge cake was sold out. i always have this very bad urge to try anything that's sold out.

had a nightmare, dreamt the barbell crumbled and there was pus. like eww

tmr's the sister's rom. haven't a thing to wear and probably nobody to talk to either. and i have a shitload of ulcers im super annoyed with. and im sleepy and i barely started on ca2. i really have to get my life and priorities back on track

2010-02-28T20:53:00.005+08:00

and they didn't even put up a fight; they didn't even make a sound

no handlebarrs

2010-02-27T22:26:00.001+08:00

back to writing, need to get the momentum of typing.

it's a saturday and i'm sitting in front of the computer. usually i have no qualms being at home on weekends. that is if i actually get to choose what i want to do. for a very long time, unless i have school stuff i really have no wish to touch the laptop. feels like i havent drank in a thousand years either, a weird sense of obligation to stay sober all the time for school. still miss rebel though, sigh! i wish there was a day where i can be in bed 24/7, just drifting in and out of sleep. i really miss last december, it's only been two months but things somehow branched into ways we couldnt quite imagine. i know life's unpredictable like that but still, having something and then losing it can get overwhelming. i hate the fact that people come and go, all the time. cannot really handle the 'go-ing' part. i guess what i detest most is how other people's lives just change like that but never mine. major self-centered line haha, never really made an attempt to hide it either. oh well, getting used to changes is a bitch for me so sometimes it's a bit of a contradiction. surely i cannot expect things to always be the same nice fluffy situation right?

been feeling the most moody for a while now. i remember a period where i actually felt better. feel this need to be a bit isolated, cut off, tucked quietly in a corner. but at the same i feel damn crushed at people's indifference towards me. by now you're prolly trying to find your eyeballs that just rolled outta your socketss. nowadays im so dependent on my phone i feel upset if i wake up and there're no messages on my phone. how sad is sad seriously. so if you're a spammer like that or love me enough please message me morning, afternoon and night. esp good morning messages, they're like the best things to wake up to.

speaking of which, p randomly dropped a few msgs on me the day before. it was a nice warm fuzzy feeling to think that you've not been forgotten.

i have a thousand and one ulcers everywhere in my mouth, under my tongue and a sore throat. first signs of falling sick. yikes

fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars

2010-02-26T23:03:00.001+08:00

h's birthday lunch some three weeks back. idk why but the uploaded pics are just major major grainy.

gross is kian seriously.

was at mandarin gallery the other day when phoe and i saw this chocolate/cake shop. there was a cake named potato and it looked like one too! it was damn cute so we had to buy it haha. the choc's really rich but i didnt think much of it though

major cute! the skin's choux puff and just pure chocolate in it.

my cny's never fantastic and there's no gambling in the family. i vow to make amanda's house an annual cny event. lol

i look like some vengeful spirit. everyone look at sumei's face. haha

gamblers in the world unite. the photos look horribly blurry so i just went to check my camera lens. thumbprints! but makes the pictures look smokeyy. special effects, haha. gotta credit amanda's sis for the candid shots though cos who cares about pictures when im fervently guessing whether the dices is DA or XIAO.

rare picture of my teeth

lady boss of gambling den. there's no other way to caption this seriously.

vengeful spirit part 2

i find this pic funny. amanda's the banker, carressing the board while twirling her hair. erotic vibe haha, plus so many things to do!

random picture of us. met for late lunch. i hope sumei quits her job and becomes unemployed so she'll have time for me

i have a shitload of projects waiting for me and i've been sleeping at the most absurd hours. i hate it. i hate how i cannot sleep as and when i like, i hate how i have to be forced to wake up. but that said i also hate waking up late. i somehow feel that my day is only right when it starts in the morning, then i'll have more drive for things. if i start my day in the afternoon i become terribly lazy and slow, that is unless i have something awesome waiting for me at night. haha i also do not understand why people claim they wish to have more hours in a day solely cause they want to finish what's on hand. do you sersiouly think that the workload's gonna remain the same if there are what, 48 hours in a day? and why must it always be why leave something till tmr when you can finish it today? isnt it the same when i say why do something why you can leave it till tmr? because if tmr never comes i shouldnt be wasting my time on things like that.

real lazy and reluctant to start on projects. it's a friday, nobody should do work on a friday, much less than have school on sat 9am. and i hate doing serious work on an empty stomach. whenever it comes to studies i have this complusive need to eat and stuff myself. bad real bad. i could do with some rochor tau huey now now now or the tang yuan peanut soup from 85. yums yums. feb always seem to pass fast. duh only 28 days. that's 2 months past boxing day and 10 months to boxing day. haha or kfc cheeeese fries. and i really wanna try the egg tarts, or steamed milk! oh speaking of food for the entire cny i havent had a single steamboat. i loveeeee steamboat =(

i should really make it a habit to startwriting more, sometimes thoughts need a channel outlet, to stay sane.

okay parents are back, NO FOOD!

fml =/

i'm like the ringleader, i call the shots

2010-02-24T00:13:00.001+08:00

im doing everything except projects. decided to give myself a reality check by checking the submission dates. and now im so overwhelmed by reality im actually escaping from it. did i mention i sent 4750 smses last month and was beaten by x by 11 smses? damn. i really wanna hit 5000 for once. is it weird that i derive pleasure from sms count?

company dinner last night, food was pretty good. lucky draw-ed 50 bucks cash. i feel pretty blessed and that was it. dont know when i can geddit though. i feel like im living on my toes every week. this sucks. im having a headache. the project wont compile by itself. my eyelids ae so heavy. the date writes 24/2/10. that's 10 more months to christmas.

it's a day short of three weeks. everyone i love who loves me enough should know about this. it was a personal decision to do it. perhaps the last thing to bear witness to my adolescence before my youth depletes. okay make that second last.

this love aint gonna be perfect

2010-02-17T15:19:00.002+08:00

from last thursday till today is one day short of a week yet it felt like a whirlwind.
rebel-ed twice in a row and was it good. if i could i would have went for a third night. had to tidy the room in a mad frenzy, which meant throwing things into corners not easily seen. and it was just non stop eating and stuffing of food. yesterday was good, gambled for the first time in 2010. mad happy i broke even for 'big small'. i started out losing!!! and then impromptu mahjong! YAY I WON TWO BUCKS!!!!!! MAD MAD HAPPY OKAY! considering i was playing with people who play super fast and are prolly experts. all the fervent mahjong movie watching paid off muhahahahhahha. im so not a gambler seriously.. i just want to breakeven and when i win i just want to cash out. haha wouldnt deny the past one week's good. that is despite all the drama i decided to stage and now im left in the middle of nowhere. thank god for jolyn. haha which is funny because i dont know whether she was trying to drown me on the first day of cny or what. haha and all the late nights of doing nothing but just tv.. sigh i miss it already!

by now cny would already be considered over. work resumes, school resumes so nobody really has the extra time i guess. sigh! and i kind of hate having to face the computer now, it just means i'll have to put together that damned assignment and start on another one that's due soon. which obviously i've not started on both. past few days did feel like i've taken a break from life. oh well, hell starts tmr i guess. i've photos but too lazy to upload it.

till then.

if i ever leave, rest assured i wont look back.

2010-02-13T04:55:00.000+08:00

just came back from rebel. i think i've never left so early before? at this time it would just be lights on. and im already here, showered and awake and sober.

no, whatever im typing here might be a spur of the moment but i will not regret. it was a short but nontheless heartwrenching night. i dont regret the things i said, yet i cant quite comprehend. i've personal issues and i cant quite put my finger around it. i remember every word you said oh so clearly. our last night. apparently your definition of 'our' was blatantly different from mine. whatever it is, i think im becoming more void of emotions these days, or rather compassion?

bottomline is, i need to accept reality much.

look right through me

2010-02-07T01:19:00.001+08:00

i cannot be bothered about projects.

i've like two drafts to complete by monday and i've started on none. which is terrible because i cannot seem to find a starting point, much less a momentum. so in order to get my typing flowing i guess i have to start from here.

3 days ago i did something i'd never quite thought i'd do. like yesterday i woke up in the middle of the night thinking how did i do it? and i guess this feeling was my driving factor. for one i feel that my youth is depleting, so anything under the adolescent category has to be done by this year. second there's no better time to do it. if i clear all my modules i would be coming to the end of my escape from the society come year end. third, i've been trying to push my limits for abit and life is truly too boring the way it is now. i think making this decision is a big deal for me, not quite so much for others. so this time it's a personal challenge and i wouldnt deny that i'm pretty much enjoying the reactions. i finally meant what i said.

the past friday was lazy friday. went for mummies exhibition and afternoon tea at 1 caramel. damn determined to try the shortcake next time. spent the day pretty much in town today. as we were going down the escalator x said she spotted s, to which i gave a mere 'but she's at work la, you see wrongly is it', still i did glance abit and it was really s!!!! i msged her earlier in the day to ask if she was working and that i really wanted to meet her. seriously if you think about it, what are the chances? so i was mad happy i managed to see her! and that she wasnt the last to be informed. yay. it so happened that she was part of the great send-off of spore's richest man. and boy was it grand. eight billion, that's twelve zeros.

i see a boring week ahead. am i the only one who doesnt quite enjoy cny?

because im the eptiome of all things revengeful.

2010-02-02T22:49:00.001+08:00

immaculate. nobody will be as perfect as he is.

Well, when you go,
So never think I'll make you turn to stay.
And maybe when you get back,
I'll be off to find another way.

procrastinate more and die

2010-02-02T00:07:00.000+08:00

totally changed the template to the new one so i could have comments. haha haloscan was shutting down and there wasnt a better option. guess i just cant live without comments on my life. and and, follow me!!!

2010-02-01T00:45:00.001+08:00

it's been so long. looking at the photos now, i just hate myself or being fat haha.
sometimes when you harp on something and feel that if it doesnt go well it's end of the world or something, it isnt true. when time's past and you look back, life is so much bigger and nothing is too important. because life goes on, the earth is still revolving and the sun still shining.
im gonna go fight wih hxl now. more stuff laters.

suddenly i see

2010-01-30T19:15:00.003+08:00

jojo is in slumber beside me now. blinghere's abandoned me.

went to 3 golf places and 3 farms today. ikea for poached salmon + wingzz. yum yum.
im going to count my blessings today and say this sat's great. i feel the effort and that's prolly why im not grumbling as much. STILL CANT BELIEVE SHE LET ME GO JUST LIKE THAT THOUGH. but sigh, i think this is about as good as it can get? i dont think anyone will be as considrate and thoughtful as this.

feeling abit sneaky and surreal now. sky's darkening and the lights aint on. its so quiet i can hear a pin drop. craving for sinfulll dessert now now now. kind of silly but i wish today'll never end. also funny cos im not feeling as spiteful as i should or thought i'll be. i guess i miss jojo enough. hahah dont wanna jinx myself but i think im going on a rebound. it's as if i've been brooding and harping on alot of things for the longest time but suddenly you come to the point when you're through with the harping then you might as well just take anything that goes. like having been through the longest tunnel and suddenly you see the exit of the tunnel, the subtle light shining in. or grasping a mega big bunch of balloons [think: up] and then suddenly letting go. you dont lament at the sadness of letting go but more of appreciating the colourful balloons filling up the blue sky at the same time. then you take in a deep deep breath. everything's good...

by now im completely engulfed in darkness, only light comes from this screen. yet i'm experiencing a strange glad feeling. my love's bigger than i thought.
maybe for once i'll just stop focusing on how this day'll never come by again and just be thankful i had it once.

after reading the above paras myself, i suspect im having a heatstroke.
ok imma gonna find a gong and wake the grizzly uppp!

i want this shit forever man, ever man, ever man

2010-01-25T01:28:00.000+08:00

the week passed pretty fast, considering right now it's a fresh week. which doesnt really matter since every week bascially feels the same. life's on routine mode now it doesnt make much of a difference, mon, tues, wed, 1st or 31st, 2009 or 2010.

i've photos. been taking some photos since i bought a new battery, kinda like rekindled love with the camera i guess.the weekend was pretty good, spent the whole of saturday with phoe and madd doing girly stuff. sunday with the trio plus the bears and c later on. i realised i feel tired too easily these days, the sleeping issue is still bugging me. i fall asleep and abruptly wake up. there's nothing worse than being the only awake one while the rest are asleep. the loneliness in the middle of the night strikes you so bad you say the most silly and insane things. on the contrary, a good night's sleep infuses you with so much positive energy the next day, the instant you wake you feel you can tackle anything, that is until you remembered how bad last night things went though. sigh

happiness is overrated, an exaggeration.
if happiness defined is the state of well-being characterized by emotions ranging from contentment to intense joy, what does happiness mean to you?

smells like nostalgia and youth

2010-01-17T02:36:00.002+08:00

spent the day with jojo today. marina barrage's gallery cafe is actually a pretty good place. we were just talking and i concluded that i just dont seem to care about events in life as much as i used to.i used to think a great deal of 'what-if's but for as long as i can remember i havent been doing that, i dont put any meaning into things or events in life anymore, which to a certain extent is pretty sad. should i not be at the peak of my life at this age? but then again perhaps it's just a shift of attitudes and priorities in life i guess.

so anyway i was inspired to look back at my old entries. woah ive been blogging for 7 years now. i still remember who and what triggered it. how twists and turns eventually made us physical neighbours at this point in life. i dare say things would have been very different if the timings changed. okay, duh!

i faithfully read the entries from 03 to 04 and sigh, i missed my production days. going to sch at wee hours like 4am, tech runs, rehearsals, backstage. how after 4 yrs, being the most senior i still ended up as a effing runner. how i was never given a chance, how yf and i were badly lashed at by mr yeo. how i could operate a sound system but was never given the chance either. miss doing stage markings, running around, competing who can coil cables the fastest. damn i miss coiling cables challenges. the different tyes of microphones, lights, floor plans. pride in work. red carpets.

i forgot. forgot one was a girl guide who knows how to start a campfire, another one the president of the drama club. names like smelly melly. how we passed post-its to cheer one another up and have ppl making my name in cookies and oreo cheesecakes. how we get super excited for wear-what-you-want days which come once a year. i also found out that i actually gave xl's confirmation a miss.

if it's anything to go by, at least half of the ppl i mentioned in my posts are still by my side and im truly grateful for that. life 7 years ago was much simpler, silly cracking of heads about how to buy cigarettes and hooch at 7-11s'. how the only means of transport was prolly bus or at best cabs, gotta be home by eleven or so.

oh well. another day reserved for reading entries from 05 to 08.

another star joins the sky

2010-01-14T21:04:00.001+08:00

just want to let you know i'm with you, for better or for worse. mightn't be physical, but definitely emotional.

i'm sorry.

churn churn churn

2010-01-13T01:43:00.000+08:00

finally striked off another item on the top ten things to do before 2010 list. okay so we were 14 days or so late. yay and now you're reading a blog whose author is a proud achiever of the level 30 buffalo wings certificate! well the dinner was definitely madness, with milk at $5 per cup, numbed tongues, trembling limbs and involuntary tearing with aftermaths yet to come. OKAY granted i only ate the wing but im damn proud of myselfffff, at least i tried it ! almost died at the first mouth but at the same time when the spiciness hits you and you get so overwhelmed by the numbness there's a very strange feeling of addiction and satisfaction, i find it comparable to being drunk, or in some cases self-mutilation? a litte sinister i know. it did help that we had a very nice waitress though.

level one, it's actually not too bad

level 30! off-menu and now there's actually a level 35!!! we also found out the origin of the chili but we're not telling! haha

swearing off meat for the next ten days.

the best thing about the challenge is everyone gets a cert once the plate's cleaned! which means freeloaders like me get a cert too! yayness

MUHAHAHAHAHAHAH!

the one who deserves it, i think she took like half the plate along with c. haha and survived.

for a personal record i woke at 4ish today. laid on the bed till 7. had to resort to sleeping in front of the tv at ten and then woke up every two hours, twelve then two. im absolutely cranky and insomnia is very taxing emotionally. there's nothing that strikes as bad as suddenly waking up at 4am and having nobody there for you. the feeling of being alone can get overwhelming, especially when the sky's not lit yet. plus i dont think anyone who didnt get enough sleep can wake up feeling hopeful about anything. these days they seem harder to pass recently. perhaps it's the lack of happiness, come to think of it i havent been hearing good news for the longest time. i need to get out of my own thoughts before they do me in.

dont stop, if i fall. and dont look back

2010-01-13T00:40:00.000+08:00

met c today. semi cheated into some hi-tea buffet and caught alvin and the chipmunkks. Theodore is mad cute i swear! everytime he appears i just feel like jumping up from the seat and grab him. haha talk about delusional.

well in a while it will be my 4574533th attempt at sleeping early. yesterday was another failed attempt. slept at 2 ish, woke at 4 ish and 6 ish. intervals. right. while i was lying on the bed i figured my ipod might make a good companion. played two albums of mcr and woah, do i miss them.

i remembered for a very long time i was fervently reading up on horoscope forecasts but then at some point of time i gave up and forgot about it because time and again it was nothing but empty lies and promises, which are sadly what i always rely on. i mean i still believe in horoscopes governing certain character traits but forecasts are really.. bullshit. but then i just went to check my jan forecast. damn! haha im really this big time sucker for such things, even when i am failed again and again , there's still some secret expectations i guess.

suddenly as im talking to tqt i miss the poly days so much. it was nothing but waking up to see the three of them and gossiping all day long. but now i've no idea where they are scattered. okay fine i know but meeting seems to be really difficult somehow. those days were priceless. and of course there were the secondary school days, where sudden spot checks were the only worries.

i wonder why when i was little i wanted to grow up. and didnt believe it when adults told me when im older i would wish i was younger. oh i think homework was the driving factor to wish to grow up. i still hate the homework and no tv part. but nobody really hates a child, nobody places too much emphasis on a child's weight, the things she uses, the clothes she wears, the money she's got, the thoughts that run through her
mind, the mind games, manipulation.

if we only live life once like what everyone says, what are we still afraid to live it? with every minute gone it doesnt come back, so what's stopping us? consequences, that's probably what we are afraid of. but even so, doesnt consequence pass with time too? then maybe it's scars? memories? boils down to fundamental self? oh well, such a spiralling thought.

today is gonna be the day that they're gonna throw it back to you

2010-01-10T22:44:00.001+08:00

this post is basically meaningless, just to emphasize im damnnnnn mad hungry thus im grouchy. grouchy grouch grouch. the sister bought hot cheng teng which scalded my tongue and it was so bad i resorted to eating prunes in a ditch attempt to soothe the tongue. which obviously didnt work. fml.

i want to eat twistter friess, steamboat, with loadsa pig's liver yum yum. and chunks and chunks of meeeat. meatballs,sausages! =( I WANT TO EAT STEAMBOAT!!!!!!!! am i not a girl for wanting to eat liver? haha kian says im a man..#%$&%%^&!^$ but jolyn says im full of estrogen. yay! haha

nobody wants to eat steamboat with meeeeeeeeeeeeeeeeee =(

oh oh, tried to sleep early yesterday but in the end what did i get? waking up at 4 ish am feeling like the most annoyed person on earth. my weird syndrome is back but i hope when school officially kicks in i go back to the concuss by ten state.

oh oh oh i ran for 5 minutes today! got scared when i had to run past the stretch where the little boy's body was found, didnt help that it was dark and at the end was just a funeral. damn, im good.

You keep ya love locked down, you lose

2010-01-08T16:15:00.001+08:00

woah cant believe it's 3pm and technically speaking i havent started my day yet. a random message sent today uncovered an important negligence on my part. an important friend pointed out that my priorities and focus has been blatantly shifted lately. im neither defensive nor offended. neither am i guilty. truth is i've never quite been away or missing, but sometimes we trap ourselves in what we want to believe in and it just spirals downward. perhaps one of the reasons for not reaching out is for fear of rejection, or just pure assumption, then who is to read whose mind? well of course im not shirking responsibility for portraying myself in such a way that i made you feel that i wont have time for you. note to self: will work on it. on another frivolous note i credit myself for blogging adequately these days although the contents are really really short. gonna upload a's twenty-two pics soon. some of them. i look at the photos and noticed that is it the day itself or is it me giving put very psychotic looks these days? im not paragraphing on purpose cos anyone who can read a whole blob of words is either 1)loves me 2) too bored 3) very very kpo indeed. or maybe 4) plain dumb. so i have to keep typing in order to make this a really reallly wordy post. and im still on the bed. parents off up the hills pulling jackpots. and next weekend they're going over to bkk. they were supposed to bring me but apparently my presence must not have been impt enough because one night they casually mentioned they were travelling next weekend. so where does that put me?!! i figured im gonna go back to sleep abit more because i woke up the wrong way today. and way too early. first opened my eyes at nine am but i forced myself to sleep. is it not sad that sleeping must be forced? whenever i have nothing on for the day i wake really early and when i have an itinerary for the day i cannot seem to get up on time. anyway more about me, duh cos this is my space, i really appreciate the stay home days. i think im lacking in that actually. need to cut myself off people sometimes, just to settle myself abit so i dont act up on them. im a really slow person so i need to take things slow and the zen way. only when im alone i hear my thoughts, i think about myself, how to tackle things, relationships and fundamentally myself. if i cannot tame myself how do i become a better person for my beloved ones? plural. i dont know, i feel a strange funny need to be there for people if they should need me, even when im in mud myself. well, we cant possibly hug together and jump down the mountain right. maybe it's cos my blood type's o, imma a giver haha. woah this is getting random. let's see how more random i can get. i keep forgetting my passport's ready for collection and im supposed to go collect it. it always slips off my mind like it's never happened. this is bad, real bad, michael jackson. and i just love kanye west too much. im looping love lockdown. the chorus is splendid! this song stirs up alot of emotions. and suddenly i miss yanleng jolene qianting. i wonder if they still remember me though. i wonder if they know ur picture is faithfully sitting on my cell as wallpaper, that the first thing i see every morning is them. oh and and i've successfully mastered the art of long messages, now im gonna hone my skills everyday and next time is to close my eyes while msging. that is also why i need my buttons. can reply in 5 secs flat, better than instant msgsing sometimes. and im anticipating this month's sms count. heh, it was 1700 ish last month. replying frivolously is love indeed. im such a spammer seriously haha. and i've wanting to eat manhattan's platter for the longest longest time sigh! i wonder does anyone still eat fish n co? but apparently the recipe was from fnc's. oh well who cares really. and madeleiene's back in town but i still havent met her. undeserving friend she has in me. well she's been the one cancelling out on us! she's so busy she prolly forgot my surname. i think i've managed to type pretty much. and if you ever ever made it to your way here faithfully you are either a) infinitely bored b) im too cool thats why you keep reading c) you love me immensely d) siao. well, you know you love me!

xxoo because im dying to be different,
the AWESOME-est!

p/s just felt like i've been talking to myself all along. and i sound kinda happy!

misery business

2010-01-07T02:22:00.002+08:00

happy 22nd amanda, im truly sorry i couldnt give you the best night of your week.

zouk sucks. this is the 2nd time stepping in and i resolute no more in 2010.

i've this sudden realisation. that experiencing something depressing on your own, isnt half as bad as knowing the people you truly love are going through heartaches, yet there is nothing you can quite do because everyone has to fundamentally deal with their own issues. but seeing them going through these heartbreaks, you wished you could be more for them, but there's really only so much you can do. perhaps i like to torture myself by not sleeping during the wee hours, being awake and thinking is a torture because the night is always dark, which automatically drags me down. love is an overrated word too many a times, how much meaning do we put into it? does love come with a warranty or expiry or exceptions? is it more of joy, or is it more of hurt? when one says he stops hoping, does he really stop having hopes? how is it possible? when one says she doesnt trust anymore, does she really not trust anymore or is she forcing herself to deny the trust? but even still, wouldnt you harbour the hope that maybe this time it might be an exception? that, for once he might truly mean what he said, after so many times of lies and deceits. humans are but fallible, coming and leaving with nothing tangible.

i believe in indulgence until the point you truly give it up altogether. when im done with this shit i know i will be a better person. although im not quite sure whether this might be a bottomless pit.

this will be my 100th post. the dreams in which im dying are the best i ever had.

2010-01-06T00:51:00.001+08:00

song of the mo - mad world.

i don't even know how i should start this post. i figured typing something might actually help me now, just to soothe things out for abit. maybe i can start with how for sq we've a sudden group member, or how i climbed two overhead bridges to pay exam fees which are not even mine, but just for amanda (who is very impt to me and deserves everything i do for her). how my cough is worsening by the minute, how i have no recollection have anything i've been doing. every action is like mechanical and without much thought. which i have to say, is kind of scary. it's only the sixth day into the new year but the lethargy is overwhelming. i think i have issues, but it's not the kind that you can ask 'what happened?' and then i'll be able to answer you a specific event or something. it's more like a build-up of things. anyway lately i guess i have been too reliant on people around me and this is going to kill me if they should ever leave one day. perhaps you might jump to your defence and say you wont leave, but somehow we all know that isn't true. okay maybe not leave completely but just the drifting apart thing is enough to kill me. and i guess it also isnt about leaning on reliable people or not, it's just that i need to grow a backbone and stop relying on the comfort of others. if there should be anyone to depend on, it has to be myself. nothing seems to be inspiring enough for me to write at length about so i guess the lack of content and substance is like a reflection of my life for now. well i do hope this is a transitional phase, but it does seem that the last few posts wasnt anything too cheery or chirpy to go by.

frivolous note, classes have been way boring and i've been messaging throughout the 3 hrs. i still cant really accept the fact that i've already started school and forming project groups! and that my sister is going to rom in 2 months time. the one that shares the room with me and kicks me when i cough in the middle of the night is gonna go start her own family now. as much as we hate each other, i'll still miss her. haha i remember the days i came back from a horror movie and i would deliberately be damn noisy so she'll wake up in the middle of the night and i'll feel better that she's awake. i used to always bug her and asked if she loves me, and she'll give a ' of course not! ' . sighh, i'd rather share the wardrobe and the space than have it all to myself.

what's left, or what's not.

2010-01-04T00:14:00.002+08:00

i've been sleeping for a thousand years it seems, got to open my eyes to everything.

woke up from a nap earlier on and felt hollow from inside out, again. was it the alcohol last night? it didnt seem that much. or is it the fact that holidays are now over, like some sort of awakening to reality? for a person who tends to think way too much, these things carry enough symbolism and significance. i guess tmr is the day 2010 officially kicks in and things will return to a mundane, stiffling, rigid routine with constant struggles to keep up. no more intoxication, no more debauchery. dec 2009 was definitely something i guess.

okay fourth day of new year now. i prolly have a 1001 thoughts running through my mind but to settle them down and keep it together is all too difficult for me now.

on a solemn positive note even if im always down i refuse to be out.

who says 2010 must be a happy year?

2010-01-02T18:14:00.000+08:00

posting from jojo's room. picked her up in the early afternoon. manual picking up haha. i think she's the only one who appreciates my picking without a car. she says its an effort. haha waited an eternity and got excited at a false alarm when i saw the belt carrying baggage.belt 33 not 32. i suck =(

anyhows, keeping my fingers crossed, let tonight be a good good night!

sigh, last weekend of everything fun!

the beginning of the end.

2009-12-31T16:23:00.004+08:00

i've been here for a year. somehow i can still remember what i did on 31/12/08 to amanda's surprise partay. has it been that long seriously? and for once im finally using the laptop in daylight, having some quality 'me' time. but somehow im always sick on the last day of the year. anyway updates for the last bit of dec.

the new picture tool is like blurring my photos. annoyed.

jol's day!

love this picture. but tqt hates me, she refuses to reply me anymore.

cannot really believe tqt's darker than me now. haha!

christmas eve

yorkyork (cringe) got me for the consecutive third year! muhahahahahhahaha, it was clinque last year and this yr's blue mac eyeshadow and benefit lip gloss! i love both sooooo much and i rarely put anything on my lips cos its just gross on me. but this shade of gloss is lovely!!!!! lookes a little nudish in a way.

xmas day was spent in rebel!

jojo flew to thai on sunday. =(

monday met mcsnowbellx for an afternoon beer and musuem tripp. beer in the afternoon is one of the more decadent things in life, especially when everyone else's gotta work.

sodium platter

judas kiss. can you see it?

faces

this is a brilliant piece. it makes use of 2 mirrors up and down, creates the infinity look, it's actually kinda scary when you look down.

favourite piece. titled happy victims. every tortured soul has a smiling mouth somewhere in the potrait, even if you dont see the face.

dinner with the poly mates two nights backk. w picked me!!!! and he bought me something fantastic. TEST TUBE SHOOTERS!!!!! AINT THEY PRETTTTY?

so pretty cant get my hands off it!!!!!! neither can i bear to open it though, too precious!

"why new yr blues!
dont like 2010 =(
why ? hasnt even started
just know its gonna be bad =(
haha ok wad , new yr new things
tts what i tell myself every yr , but see wad happened?
2009 was bad for u meh ,what happened?
precisely.. NOTHING "

every year on this day i try to look back to see what i've done or i have, i cannot seem to remember anything so significant or spectacular. wonder if it's good or bad. oh well 2010 will come no matter how much i detest it. on a sad note, got news that p is leaving the place. sigh, she was like the one who taught me everything right down to smallest life lessons. why do all nice ppl leave the earliest?

under the sky, beneath the clouds

2009-12-26T15:14:00.000+08:00

i would for once say that, this has been a merry christmas =)

and as usual im gonna end it with a note that 2009 nye is prolly gonna be quiet. but oh well, live for the moment, why care about the haunting memories?

this photo of us it dont have a price

2009-12-20T04:48:00.000+08:00

it's 438am. i think my skin and my entire system is going to crumble and die. this weekend has been nothing but a lot of spontaneous acts and ventures to the west. pasir panjang-ed. more beer. more arsenal. i clocked in 94 minutes today. still cant get the hype of football. it is an irrational activity, your cheers or jeers wont get to the team who are over on the other half of the globe anyway. and you have to follow it so intensely so as not to miss a goal. but oh well, i cannot deny that going to places not accessible through public transport is an experience. my mind in is bits and pieces now so till then.

let's have some fun this beat is sick

2009-12-19T03:46:00.000+08:00

im sleepy but i cant sleep.

jol's birthday celebration earlier on. HAPPY BIRTHDY JOLENE CHIA SM!!
just finished a round of impromtu yet somehow spontaneous coffee round at holland v. the trio, the bears plus v and j. what a combination seriously. there were of course awkward moments but thinking back about it is just way funny.

sigh it's also been a yr since the kl tripp. thinking of how dec is gonna end is killing me =(

let it bleed, let it dry

2009-12-17T15:29:00.000+08:00

started yesterday early with enrolment in school. i cannot tell you enough how much i hate rmit/sim. found out from k that girls who wear leggings look like they're going diving and bunned hairs are old and turn-offs, or that was what he said until he saw how cute that girl's face was. haha

met c later on. met her once last week for haji lane and somerset. i was totally dying to go to the multi-storey f21, which wasnt opened till yesterday! ding tai fung-ed last week and yam xlbs are way way yummier than red bean xlbs!!!!! sigh it's kinda sad that i sound terribly excited whenever it comes to food.

pictures above are saturday novotel pics. whenever the 4 of us are together our poses are incredibly porno-looking.

anyway, so met up with c yesterday again. city plaza to see what sort of clothes they really sell. well, turns out there are a few nice shops but it's tiring to scout for stuff like this. that place is a total cross between a sim lim and a lucky plaza. over to somerset next. FOUR LEVELS OF F21!!!!! mad happy just browsing through. novelty i guess but nonetheless spent 120 bucks there. oh and i bought a ring that has a victorian face on it. love!

last minute steamboat dinner with amanda at liang seah. havent had steamboat in a really long while and i guess the weight gain is justified by the company? well since i already gained it i might as well account it to something right. caught planet 51 later on. i watched princess and the frog the day before. i wonder is it a change of mentality but the storylines werent too impressive.

spicy chicken. very potent.

i ate a tonne of liver yesterday. very shiok but im thinking my arteries must be 95% clogged by now.

i miss spending a whole day with c like that. wished a was with us if not for her assignments. it's really been a while since i've spent one whole day at home, sleeping beyond 8am. missed being around my mum for a bit. well 2009 is coming to an end soon and school's gonna be a real bitch when it starts. i also know i'll spamming alot of ppl on how much i miss dec 09 by jan 10. woah, its been a decade since the millenium. i was but 11, young and dumb, dorky. a decade later im legal, well, still dumb and dorky in a way i guess. i still have a list of things i wannna do! level 30 buffalo wings, ktv , museums , christmas ham! and one more proper rebel where im sane and sober..

this must be one of the longer entries in a while.

is this worth it? let me work it

2009-12-14T23:18:00.000+08:00

saturday was fun. became bffs with rebel's toilet. well considering i was in there the whole night. the bears were great fun and comfort. can always rely on them to hold my hair back. for now that is. free upgrade to the premier floor and the room at novotel was huge but uncomfortable with the ppl later on. now that i do recall it felt alot like a marijuana gathering.

oh well, perhaps i lived for 364 days for a night like this. wonder if it's worth it.

you're the perfect lullaby

2009-12-07T16:23:00.002+08:00

major on the verge of falling asleep.

i dont know why but i recall happier days before, as compared to now. every breath i take in smells of melancholy. is this december?

okay on a more frivolous note, i really miss last yr's kl trip! cant believe went through 11 months again. im honestly dreading 2010 because 2009 is like a blank report card. nothing worth remembering and its really just another year. sigh! i think i've been working too much but earning toooo little. i work almost 5 or 6 days a week but the money just cant sit in the bank for more than a day before i spend everything. this is bad.

on a personal update note i passed this semester and im really grateful for the marks i have. thinking about next semester kills me.

the bears are having their mocks now so its a plain week ahead. all the smses and nobody to send to. haha. december always seem to pass the fastest. it's 7 days gone already.

the end.

2009-12-02T11:00:00.000+08:00

Now come one,
Come all,
To this tragic affair,
Wipe off that make up,
What's in is despair,
So throw on the black dress,
Mix in with the lot,
You might wake up and notice you’re someone you're not,
If you look in the mirror and don’t like what you see,
You can find out firsthand what it’s like to be me,
So gather 'round piggies and kiss this goodbye,
I'd encourage your smiles,
I'll expect you won't cry

2009-11-30T23:33:00.002+08:00

all i can and should say is that im decomposing myself from within.

till then.

if you never tell, we should never know

2009-11-29T16:31:00.003+08:00

coffee till 5am in the morning. no more javachip, embracing the zen shaker tea introduced by claresta. haha

do you like to read your own blog's archives? i do. all the time actually, it reminds me that while in the midst of complaining nothing's quite changed, subtle and small changes do take place and things you used to always do, somehow just went off your list without much realisation. things you used to care so much about and bothered a great deal suddenly felt very faint, like you could ever hardly recall what happened until you read through them again. ppl you used to hang out with every other day, share secrets and gossip with, are they still here? changes are changes, for better or worse.

i know it sounds funny but sometimes i forget my own age. like seriously. sometimes i think im still 18 haha

oh well, writing in too much light is difficult.

i wanna ba praised from a new perspective

2009-11-28T21:15:00.004+08:00

a gazillion thoughts must have ran through my mind and disappeared now as im typing this. but i guess all thoughts must have dissipated at the ultimate thought of results release on thursday.

thursday. gosh. thats five long days away. the thought of everything being settled and fixed is getting to me. the thought of clicking a button and the results will appear at once and i will be forced to accept it is too much to bear. exam results are the most unpredictable things and it always grabs me by the throat.

okay
impromptu plan to meet jojo!!

life is...

2009-11-24T00:37:00.003+08:00

okay im officially proclaiming i've hit a bottleneck in life and i've no interest or passion in whatsoever and my quarter-life crisis should be here considering i wouldnt live till 84.

till then, goodnight.

okay i'll prolly blog soon enough cos i have this compulsive need to keep typing actually.

all in a week's work

2009-11-22T00:02:00.005+08:00

worked for six days straight and commencing a five day week soon.

gained TWO kg so far and im not joking, just infer from the fact that everyone who met me this week received food from me. i also discovered y's sister was married long in oct and w's sister's wedding is next sunday.

i also realised words are but words if you do not put in any meaning or feelings into them. over the week i had to say many happy birthdays, i love you, congratulations, and happy birthday sayang. ate 3 cupcakes, 1/4 of a 500g cake, 1/2 of a 1kg cake and loadsa rice with oil-soaked lunches.

fav baker's work of art. it's not ice cream or whipped cream, but raspberry cream and it actually bounced.

strawberry and blueberry cupcake is yums!!!

cross section of an empress dowager. i must say the sponge is quite legendary. it jsut melts in your mouth i swear. and the mousse tastes so light and fluffy its almost like ice cream. i really couldnt see beyond the beauty of this cake lies fat, fat, fat.

set up my first xmas tree! but it wasnt me actually cos anything i decorate sucks. pauline decided this year's theme should be gold. surely someone who designs customised cakes will not do too bad a job with trees.

willpower is nothing when you work in places with no lack of exquisite food. for example, the boss bought sushi from mediya the other day. hadnt wanted to eat but it was all involuntary action

woah it was a bomb, the crab's ultra ultra sweet and yummy to the max! haha plus one small box is like what, 26 bucks? it's really small but it's really dope.

and the cream puff was heaven haha it's a really big one, took one for yl. haha

i bought a pair of vans on impulse the other day while shopping for d's present. haha but i love it nonetheless and i think its reallllll pretty. caught a christmas carol and the graphic's is splendid. it's always the kind of christmas that has been instilled since i was young from all the movies. i guess that's what make christmas so dreamy. the snow, the smell, the carols, the lights, the town, the people on the street and the surrealness of it all.

family dinner today, major big plate of calamari plus other high cholesterol food. little j in his fl maclaren

im sick of work already.

everybody must love muse.

2009-11-14T00:09:00.012+08:00

Uprising - Muse

They will not force us
They will stop degrading us
They will not control us
We will be victorious

i somehow feel this song has a very psychotic energy that perks one up.

friday the 13th saw me meeting with S. thought i'd explore orchard central but it turned out to be a big but empty mall again. the shops are really small you dont even have to step in to see what's there. the design is somehow made for you to walk in circles. everyone in the mall was doing the same thing - looking lost, exploring and turning back upon dead end.

there wasn't a lack of restaurants but nothing was horribly outstanding either. settled for crystal jade hk cafe.

we both ordered yuen yang and the moment it came our reactions were exactly the same its funny.

the drink came in a beaker shaped and see the hole in the beaker? the waiter put in dry ice and a bit of smoke came on. so mystical! but nooo, you dont drink from the beaker, you pour it into a really small shots cup.

which is slanted.

well this is indeed novelty but is this not double work? the cleaner will have to wash 2 glasses for one drink and the shots cup is so small i had to keep refilling it. notice S's look of disdain.
the menu wasn't much but the pictures sure looked good so we foolishly ordered the hainanese chicken thinking it'll look the same.

okkay.
well the hot plate did look really good too.

fish

mixed for S. wah sausage and egg [with broken yolk] is major love!
it's pretty filling. i think normal people wouldnt be able to finish it. now that i see these pictures i feel a bit sick.
next to spinelli's. i distinctively remembered their cheesecakes being yummy.

there's two sections. the freezing cold section and the balcony section with smoking area. the balcony has a really nice ambience, i could sit there forever. and it feels like we were above the traffic and the christmas lights all just added to it i guess.

then i figured orchard central wasn't that bad. i like pretty empty malls so i dont have to queue or squeeze plus the toilet's really clean. catching up with S was great and we walked down orchard and decided the christmas lightings werent fantastic, she didnt like the reindeers haha. oh and alot of malls seem to be springing up. 313's f21 looks really big and promising. i bet heeren's gonna close down soon. i remembered the times when going to town meant heeren + cine. is it just me or is it the times?

isnt she adorable? she was wearing the sis's tube. i asked if i could take a picture then she made me take many shots. what a camwhore!

it rained almost the whole day today, i guess rainy weather always makes one think more.
suddenly lady gaga's bad romance is ringing in my head, Gaga Oo-la-la!

i think i've been steadily drowning myself in negativity and extreme pessimism. but to see it optimistically means i've been preparing myself for society and life. i somehow dont see negativity as something that bad, if it is my driving force, then so be it? optimism is not the only way is it? and well if it's anything to go by, at least i dont base myself on other's lives, emotions or thinking. people who do that, tonnes of them, are just sad and better off dead.

everything i do, i do it for myself.

oh on a random note, does anybody have joo chiat for the macdonald's monopoly thing? i dont want the $50 000 i only wanna win an ipod touch haha. is there even sentosa cove in the first place?! because SO many people have marina bay!!!

i spent 10 years untagging photos on fb just now. im still not done cos some doesnt seem to be responding. 50% are fat and unglam ashamed photos i dont want anyone to recognise me by, 80% seems to be drunk pictures, loads of alcohol pictures tagged and tonnes of food pictures. my fb account is a misleading one.

imma a taxidriver man~

2009-11-13T13:59:00.004+08:00

impromtu decision to ktv with the bears last night. i have nothing to else to write cos my life's been so boring and nobody bothers enough to date me.

i need to go extend my passport which means i need to take ugly fat face shots i'm never happy with, i need to buy a new battery for my camera because it's [duh] spoilt, i need to worry about my results until dec 3. agony agony. i need to wait until after 24th to see jojo and snowbell. i need to work from mon to fri nonstop nonstop for two weeks. i need to think of what i can fit into to go meet sh laters. i need to stop thinking about constantly eating. manhattan, chippy's,pizza,pasta,jap,nachos,tomato twisters,erdinger,erdinger,hoegarden,pasta,frolick,frolick,frolick,glace,sushi,salmon.

i need to stop being so lazy first by not supporting my chin with a 500ml bottle while im typing this. am i incorrigible or what?

and i've no plans for christmas!!! major lonely. every couple in the world deserves to split. haha, horribly bitter line there but well, that is if i pass my exams first.

2009-11-11T00:49:00.000+08:00

the complexities of life. it's a bitch

2009-10-20T23:28:00.000+08:00

i'm a mess

2009-10-12T23:28:00.004+08:00

i'm a mess

yes, it gets a little rusty.

2009-10-12T23:28:00.003+08:00

the brother brought the vaio back today.
say, after 3 months? the past weeks when i conveniently spoilt the lenovo, life wasn't all too bad without technology. there doesn't seem to be anyone online to talk to anymore. the feeling of getting something back is a little quaint, like it's familar yet a little strange. oh well. i just spent half an hour going through my favourites i used to bookmark and realised there were so many links i haven't been visiting the past 3 months. looking at people who can transform within months.

so i should have been studying my ass off during this period but no, i've been doing everything else instead of studying. the scary thing is i sometimes forget my exams are drawing near and i dont seem to be panicking. even if i do i choose to whine to ppl instead of doing something concrete like actually studying. nice.

we brought qt for a birthday pony ride. i think i've never been so near ponies my entire life. i also learnt that i've been submarining my jagerbomb all the time and the authentic way to bomb a jager. i also concluded jagerbombs taste best in clubs and red bull is way more potent than coffee.

i think silvery moon is pretty new but i like the place, it's like a little hut with food and a nice bar with cheap drinks. yes, cheap drinks. speaking of which i'm looking forward to this weekend but as hopes get high, so will disappointment. and the fact that once this week passes, i would have nothing to rely on all the way till november.

im obviously not in the best of moods. mad craving for tom yum steamboat

you're desperately asking if you sounded desperate

2009-09-25T23:27:00.003+08:00

horribly lazy. work's gonna be this big drag, i hope the person i see tmr is not who i think it is? i should bring a penknife with me in case i have to slit my wrists. but wait, surely the kitchen has bigger, sharper knives. plus i'll be working for 5 days in a row. nice.

caught the ugly truth twice over the week. it's surprising how i can still manage to laugh the second time. katherine heigl's really funny and hot but at times she looks a little weird. i wanna catch f1 rocks to see beyonce and gwen stefani and listen to i gotta feeling live. i wanna see lindsay lohan in person because its just hard to think that she's in the same country and breathing in the same air as me. that is after seeing all her pictures on ontd. i wanna go to fuel party and hear will.i.am and samantha ronson. and its all fulllllllllllllllllllllllllll! sigh my life sucks.

on a hopeful note ting says she'll give me 500 bucks if she wins 1 million in toto. but she will run away if she wins 9 million. that's a really nice friend i've got there.

anyway everyone's talking about fmylife.com recently. im kinda hooked on it. i dont know, maybe it's a sadistically good feeling to know there are ridiculous things out there happening across the globe everyday so i dont have to too sad about mine too? some are rather unbelievable too but you can never doubt the things that happen in real life. afterall, scenes in movies must have been inspired from somewhere too?

" Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML "

" Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML "

2009-09-24T23:18:00.001+08:00

meeting ting tings tmr!

anality at its prime

2009-09-19T23:41:00.003+08:00

i've been trying to write something but my life is so utterly meaningless im like.. speechless. really wished i permanently stayed in rebel. i know it sounds awfully silly but anything is better than projects at this point of time i figured. im gonna have to work in oct and mega mega birthday celebration coming up! like im totally banking all my hopes on this one to get liver cirrhosis.

parents going to malacca tmr. car will be parked in the lot for show!!! i totally gave up on driving i guess, i dont even know what's a gear anymore. where's 1,2,3,4?

okay random, i think im gonna go sleep and hope to wake up really late because for the past week i couldnt sleep and wake as and when i like to, major torture in life!

my undoing

2009-09-16T00:05:00.003+08:00

i've opened the word doc for long enough. yet i cannot seem to bring myself to continue my project. every section of the project i do it with most grudge and unwillingness. as much as i wish it would somehow turn into passion it's apparently impossible. every word i type i feel that it's pulling me closer towards failure.

i remembered, and told myself to remember hard that i must have pride in my work. and i vividly recall it was my cca teacher who told me so. right, of all people, your cca teacher ? to think those who went through official training and are considered professionals never taught that in sch. but the point is, lately i looked at my work and i hesitate to call it mine. whatever i've done, whatever i've submitted, is not only below average, but lack effort. i hate work without effort, its so... trashy?

but yet every night i've been sleeping at 3 am, waking at 9am, coming home after the sun sets.
but what have i done? what did i do? nothing substantial.

when i think of this i want to punch myself really bad, but asking me to redo, i think i'd rather punch myself. it's like im caught in between my own trap, my own expectations vs my capability vs my capacity vs my laziness. i dont have to say who wins do i?

joel hates me for my pessimism. it couldnt have been easy on him, the only group mate around constantly talking about how we're gonna fail, how we are never going to finish, and how bad the work is. and i've been whining like nonstop.

have .. to .. get .. back .. to .. work..

why're you so obssessed with me?

2009-09-12T21:01:00.006+08:00

2 project submissions this week. wish me luck. need loadsa that.

provocative.

2009-09-04T22:23:00.002+08:00

sometimes when you reach a certain age, you tend to think too much in innocent sentences you blurt out.

just yesterday we booked the discussion room which had 4 powerpoints but one of which was faulty. so i told kian to 'faster poke your plug in' and when he wanted to transfer some files through the thumbdrive i said 'eh, insert yourself pls.'

ok fine situational jokes are no funny when you type it out.

a small snippet of conversation btwn amanda and me the same night,

'eh so meet 4 ish can?'
'should be can but dont get your hopes up too high!'
'dont worry, im too tired to get it up'

but i think the most classic one is what yellow snowbell said and i can almost never get it off my mind, i almost use the word everyday and now whenever i say it cant help but giggle a bit.

'are you COMING soon?'

IF you get it.

and was it a happy birthday!

2009-08-30T01:26:00.002+08:00

dear sumei, Hope you enjoyed your birthday!! =)

i can never seem to sleep after alcohol, except when im badly drunk.
rebel yesterday, suburbia today. this weekend couldnt be more well-spent, couldnt have enjoyed more.
well, maybe i could, if not for projs constantly calling at the back of my head.
2 rum cokes, 1.5 screwdrivers, 1 vodka bomb, 2 hoegaredens, .5 waterfall, 1 karmakazi shot, plus clubbing with amanda and the trusty duo, an alcohol infused weekend is always good, but after it subsides whatever i have to deal with is a bitch.

gonna have to get more pictures from sumei before i can post anything.

i miss jo's house. it's like a getaway for me, all day cable tv on bed.

shall try to sleep and start getting depressed about my short-lived weekend for now.

life's a game but it's not fair.

2009-08-26T00:13:00.002+08:00

yesterday night i dreamt that mother and i went to malaysia. we were in a bus. passed by a closed road [how funny it's a closed road but we can still drive.] riots on the road. people were just bashing and really killing each other with sticks, bats. blood all over. there were people kneeling on the pathway, crying. the driver didnt care, he just drove, ran over eveyone. and every human he ran over it felt like we were going over a hump. could feel the human body below the wheels. went back to this hostel room. the mother climbed the stairs first. the stairs were pink colour. 2 men suddenly appeared behind me, with a jagged knife pressing against my neck. the knife was hooked at the end. screamed for my mother but she didnt care. when she finally did turned, she was exceptionally calm and said she'll go dig for money. she never came back. robbers tried to snatch my wallet but i cried that it was a fake. somehow we ended up in the next room watching tv and chatting. nice. one of the robbers had like unkempt shoulder length hair.

☆amanda†★ says:
this is like your second dream that a vehicle ran over someone
☆amanda†★ says:
last time was over aaron right
☆amanda†★ says:
sadistic dreams you have man
☆amanda†★ says:
i hope i nv feature in them
☆amanda†★ says:
and and
☆amanda†★ says:
your dreams are like rated R21 for gore and violence type

lol. well the first dream i dreamt i was driving with the father beside me then aaron dashed across the road, right in front of my car but before i could hit him he DISINTEGRATED. im not kidding he really disintegrated right in front of my eyes but then i felt i ran over someone. i stopped and opened the door. i saw his severed arm, minced at the joint, could see the bone and blood splashed across the road. a policewoman promptly arrived and just asked me to carry on driving. she squat down and started cleaning the mess with a cloth. i know, like why of all ppl aaron? haha, i didnt tell him though, who wants to know they disintegrated in my dreams and that his arm was severed and ran over by me right.

it's disturbing to have gory dreams. too vivid. is this a premonition? am i the next destined one to be ran over by a car?

anyway im so sick i feel like im burning inside of me but my limbs are cold. sigh
2 weeks to 3 project submissions yet i've done shit. i dont know what the late nights are for. i would just stare at the screen blankly and not know a word to type.

i've also been trying to read the book amanda lent me. it's a really good book. i generally like reading but im major slow. im not even one eighth through the book and i've tried to be like her, can just whip out a book and readily read. i cant. i need quality, uninterrupted time to properly read and enjoy, go into the scene the author is setting.

but my attention span is a little poor. once i start i cant stop because if i stop i'll never start. i tend to forget and to find a book that manages to keep my interest and attention up isnt too easy i guess?

plus i have a habit of not wanting to read last chapters or watch last episodes. because i will always feel that it's the end. the end to everything even though it might be a happy one. when i finish a book or series, what happens next? i can no longer read the book or watch it. re-reading or re-watching is a different feeling.

the story ends, and i have one less thing to keep me interested.

perfection and reality, why the big gap?

2009-08-23T22:27:00.002+08:00

AHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHHH.

i realised i have 5 more lessons to go before i end this semester.
FIVE LESSONS! i cannot recall a single shit i learnt and i havent even bought the textbook. yay i rock..
I AM SO GOING TO DIE THIS SEMMMM!!!!!! and bloody uol ppl are still having holidays. pfft.

im a little excited for this weekend but also mighty guilty. my projects are like all not done? but this weekend i will be supposedly having fun.. and im excited for sumei's cake! haha i hope it'll be really really major major pretttty! haha

still working on my 400 + 200 words. i am so condemned sighh

MY LIFE IS IN PERILS!

when i say jump you say how high, when i say epi you say cure

2009-08-17T18:20:00.002+08:00

i've been trying to write something for my project for the whole day but i cannot even churn out 400 words it seems.

i seriously need some discipline over here. i would try to type, and then get annoyed by my lack of vocabulary and start to surf other random, useless, irrelevant sites.

i wish my english was still with me. i find myself deteriorating everytime i'm in need of it. even simple sentence structure has become a problem. yikes.

an unexpected msg from tyl has made me hopeful about saturday though. just hope it's the real deal. after all it's only monday, plans always change throughout the week. the past week was pretty boring. late nights to do a dumb proposal which im not confident about, chalked up 3 days of work in a row. oh and my favourite baker is leaving!!! =( through the months the kitchen has undergone a typhoon and the people in the kitchen now are all, unfamilar faces and much much less friendly. it's so weird. the atmosphere's completely changed. apparently for an outsider like me, baking does seem to be carefree and a little dreamy and awesome. but as with anything, once you turn a hobby into a job or obligation, i guess the passion wears off? you're doing it somehow not because you enjoy it anymore, but more of an obligation to fulfill the tasks. like studying.

i should really get back to my 400 words.

If you could’ve tried to trust the hand that fed

2009-08-12T00:46:00.002+08:00

If I had eyes in the back of my head I would have told you that you looked good as I walked away

i know right, fancy blogging when i have this project up my nostrils already.
but i figured i need it, i would really need a channel to direct all my negativity away. no it's not the teammates. it's just the helplessness of not knowing what to do and afraid to fail if i should do something so horribly wrong.

it's times like this i wished i was still in poly, with the 3 of them. projects were smooth to a scary extent. well, at least it was for me. we always somehow managed to do it. and it's kinda sad to think back and remember im in the room where we once were, 4 laptops cramped in a really small room. no aircon, just a old, useless fan.

sigh, i couldnt connect to the internet in school today and i was completely crushed. well back in it school anyone walking down the concourse would have solved it in a few clicks.

my best 2 years of life seemed to have past me by unknowingly and all im left with is ... agony?

anyway i must totally admit i have a confrontational tone. it always comes out wrong. as in, yes i speak slightly louder so i may have come across as offensive but that's really not what i intended. i guess when im pressed for time i tend to raise my voice a little. there was one point in time today i forgot what i said and there was a brief moment of silence. and i hate it that hui hui has to suffer the brunt of it all because she's just too nice! and soft. and nice.

the 'im happy' phrases didnt work. damnit.
okay amanda's online to distract me now hahhah thank god for her.
sometimes.

weaving in between happiness and sorrowness,

2009-08-08T22:13:00.005+08:00

i love how i look so happy. even if it isn't real.

that ought to sum up what i've been doing.

before i begin my words vomit i have to jot this down - sumei let me drive her car today!!!!!!! even if it's just around the carpark i felt super duper duper happy and honoured. to entrust one's car in a hopeless amatuer's hands must have been nerve-wrecking. i think i've never properly told her how important she is to me, how relieved i feel when i finally got to see her after 2 weeks. and how i would be utterly crushed if she were to turn her back on me one day.

i told myself after yesterday i would cease to drink for a really long time. well, for at least 2 weeks till sumei's birthday. but that is if she wants to go drinking. and just to set the record straight, im not a hopeless alcoholic. damnit, im not even an alcoholic. people just assume i drink alot. which is not true, the truth is it only takes so little for me to be not-that-sober. and if it's anything, i only drink for happy occasions. i dont grab a beer from my fridge any time i want. i dont drink beer with my food. though i must say yesterday's was a really good round. and drinking is yes indeed, an addiction. but what follows after is bolts of sudden depression, like you're in the middle of the quiet ocean in a shallow sampan and waves, ferocious waves start to hit you. you're scared, helpless but there's nobody to turn to, nobody to share your fear, nobody to truly understand the anguish unless she's the one in the sampan.

i think just a year ago, i didnt use to be able to finish a drink by myself. i would always order girl-ish drinks like sex on the beach, singapore sling but i cant remember who really brought me into the world of beer. but if it's anything to do with alcohol, it has got to be xueling and jolyn. bad influences. tsk.

for a very brief moment my life has revolved around drinks and birthday celebrations. it's time to really dedicate my time to school. i also realised at different points of time, the people i meet have a very wrong perception of me. there's the bunch of people who has never really seen me drink before until recently, the always seeing me with a bottle in hand, the ones who always force a bottle into my hand, the ones who hold my hair when i puke, the ones who prefer me alcohol free and the only show up during birthdays but are never there most days people.

it's just a really warm, fuzzy feeling to meet long-time friends. the kind that leaves you smiling at the photos you took together a while ago, the kind that you cannot sms them enough to tell them to meet soon [although we all just really know that's not happening anytime soon], the kind that never fails to remind you of stupid adolescent mistakes you once made, be it 5 or 10 years.

qq said im constantly grumpy. i'm not!! just that i must say the kind of life i've been living has made me a bit hard-hearted, a bit void of emotions and the fact that there is nothing to be happy about just reinforces it.

i just like to snap at people and hope to be snapped back. i mean, why would i want to talk to a sponge that absorbs just about everything of what i say? meaningless.

im degenerating. only had 4 hours of very disturbed sleep.

if it's mind over body and what you think is what you are, then..

i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy i'm happy

one each for the remaining days in august!

as good as it gets.

2009-08-02T05:41:00.002+08:00

it's as if the mist on the glass suddenly cleared up and one can instantaneously see through it.

suddenly everything feels very surreal, haven't slept for almost a day, not a single tinge of sleepiness. and for once, staying sober to see everyone else around you fall into drunken abyss felt good. it felt superior, with a little condescension involved.

and then a sudden realization struck me. it's not anyone but the law of nature, rule of the society.

i'll draw a circle around me and be comfortable in it for now.

2009-08-01T03:06:00.003+08:00

wj looks like the one doing the v sign. haha

mad lazy to update!!! got photos dating back from a month!!! AUGUST ALREADY!

HAPPY BIRTHDAY TAY YAN LENG!

the crossover from 31/7 to 1/8 is always special cos from fibi's bday it's a crossover to yanleng's. 2 of the very important people in my life.

miss the two of them so much! =(

on exile.

2009-07-27T16:29:00.002+08:00

at my brother's now. it's definitely a bigger place with space and air to actually breathe in. it looks like its going to rain soon so that means i'll prolly fall asleep in another half an hour or so.

speaking of which, i've recently contracted a weird sleeping disorder. i seem to have lost the ability to fall asleep on my own but somehow as soon as i'm in front of the tv i can almost fall asleep like in an instant. when i shut the tv to properly sleep, i can never get beyond half an hour. this goes on a few times before i properly fall asleep, at the weirdest times ever.

joshua is mad cute but also mad irritating when he cries.

this is also the start to a very boring week. hope my weekends will be a little more fulfilling. school also officially starts this week but i really cannot be bothered with all the projects and what nots. im just really academically worn out, exams in like another 3 months or so with another 3 projects. i will die when sumei graduates. i just want more excuses to party. haha but then again who really needs excuses, just need the people. damn, but everyone else is either working or busy dating.

at times like these you cannot blame me for wanting to sleep my life away.

twenty-one,still fat.

2009-07-23T01:53:00.003+08:00

happy birthday to me =)

not that the =) really implies that im happy. i spent the last minutes of being twenty, and first minutes, or 45 minutes to be exact, with my two best buds. it was a no drinks, no food, no proper seats even at the century sq taxi stand. gossiping my literal youth away. i think it is as good as it can get. i'll be happy even if we were in the middle of the dessert.

photos can wait. and i just got kw's pictures, which i briefly conclude that i will never use an slr again because it's way too clear. not for people with round, pock-marked faces. i wonder how he must feel having to see the ugly photos. "walao edit what, edit liao, still ugly leh. waste time" then proceeds to fumble with stuff like blurring background, unknowingly making the flaws even brighter. not that im complaining about the skills! it's just the agony of facing ugly stuff.

well it's 2 hours and 5 minutes into being 21. i think things only matter if you put significance into it. money didnt drop from the sky. okay the taxi uncle wasn't too rude but when he sped at 110km/h on the pie i thought that was the end of me. but as with the past 20 years, im still alive. people die at all sorts of stage, birth, toddler, teen, adult, old. so having lived past 20 years is no mean feat.

also, as one grows older, the msges that comes in after 12 is lesser every year. okay or is it really just me? but somehow i feel extra grateful for those who cared enough to msg just minutes after twelve. yf was a minute early. phoe was on the dot. sumei came in next, candy's got the right name, she's perfectly sweet. Amanda msged to bother numbers, then came weiting, and yl surprised me. xueling and jolyn were beside me when they sent it, adelin's was rather unexpected but nonetheless thankful. daph and bf were awfully nice and then came madeleine =) because she's in aust, she had to stay till 2am on her side just to wish me. makes me just wanna hug her really really tight if she were in front of me. i don't even have to say a word. clocking in at 0225: wt then th and prata(he called himself that)

while i seriously wouldnt deny that substantial gifts entice me, at the end of the day it's really the little gestures that goes a long way. im a perfect sucker for little gestures. because you wouldnt really bother to do small things for people you cant give two hoots about, would you?

sometimes i look at the ppl around me, and wonder what did i ever do to deserve them? i'm neither funny, pretty or rich. plus i shout at them all the time, demand things, whine, be difficult. okay as grateful as i sound, i also must say there were times they chose their (boy)friends over me and dua me like 10 000 times, i guess i still love them very much. i mean i admit i do like to use emotional blackmail alot, more than any of my own friends do. but somehow they've never left me.. yet. well for those who did they're better off dead anyway. pfft.

perhaps i can make a birthday resolution to be more forgiving? nah, that wouldnt be me and why should i let you have an easy time dua-ing me? anyway im bound to break such a resolution within a week.

i suddenly feel how cinderella felt when her carriage turned back into a pumpkin, horses into mice, gown into rags. after today the party's over. no more excuses for me to not start work, no more drink-till-you-drop. oh and being 21 means i can go for plastic surgery , enter into official contracts and register for marriage w/o parents' consent. oh and vote. and go to genting's casino to throw my passport in their faces. no where's inaccessibke to me now. damn! what's the fun of doing things when you're legal?i remembered the cheap thrills of successfully buying hooch before we were 18, the adrenaline rush when you managed to sneak into a club before 18. no more, no more.

every birthday or new year i come with hopes and anticipation. but nothing's seem to changed. oh well, what will be, will be.

man, not superman

2009-07-20T00:20:00.004+08:00

im coughing my lungs out and my right knee has 2 unknown bruises.

my itcy hands totally screwed up the internet connection and i swear this laptop is gonna give way soon. sigh, must i really spoil everything i use?

are people generally happy on their birthdays?
or maybe it's really just me that's weird. i spend an average 364 days per year looking forward to my birthday but what happens next when the birthday has passed? suddenly everything feels so empty, like you've reached the season finale of a series, only that in real life it continues on and on. and then suddenly you have nothing to look forward to, you might shift your attention to other dates like christmas, new year and only to have them pass one by one and feeling emptier than ever.

or perhaps it's the knowing that im done with yet another year of my lifespan. whether or not it is a happy thing depends i guess.

i realised whenever my birthday is relatively near, im not always happy. in fact i feel a little depressed. i have no idea why. maybe it's really just another day, with an excuse to have ppl buy you cakes and presents and to remind your mum of her labour pains exactly N years ago. there's no exceptional luck or anything like that.

i confess i think there's still some alcohol content in the blood. gotta pardon my poor metabolism. either that or my bad lack of sleep. i've to trying to sleep the entire day but i just couldnt. that is despite me being very very tired.

went to send madeleine off just now. cannot stand the moment when she eventually had to turn her back and walk into the gates and then that's it. and then you have to walk away yourself knowing that it would be a very long time before you should ever meet. sigh

damn sleepy. i can feel my organs all tied up and burning. haven't been the kindest to my liver this week.

yawn of the dead. hah

five more please

2009-07-12T21:11:00.002+08:00

can't really believe i start school tomorrow. i guess i've been idling for too long i forgot what i've been doing, okay it's not that long but once you start to idle you tend to forget everything else.

just the other i spoilt my laptop and of all things, the lcd screen which costs a whopping 1300 dollars to replace. then the next night i merely touched my cable box and it went bonkers so now it's spoilt too.

i hope next week goes well!

THE list.

2009-07-06T16:58:00.002+08:00

it's a bloody raining monday but the phone calls are infinite.

as i got on in years, older and well hopefully wiser, there are just certain things i cant bring myself to do anymore.

for one, splashing across the page what i want for my birthday. and two, i never got whatever i wanted.

rather than saying what i want, it's easier to say what i don't want. i dont want necklaces, very pretty bracelets and rings are fine.

i like wrislets, clutches. oh and i need a watch haha

or basically, anything with a substantial brand. there i said it !

oh ya and can someone pls pls pls buy me that mini mahjong set???? dying to own one and it's only like 20-odd. i even know the shop besides mac's at tampines inter sells it. i just dont see a point if i buy it myself. haha

i've an ipod 3rd generation. so the next best upgrade would be an ipod touch haha

and i think in times like this im open to cash, no wait, i mean a substantial amount of cash

okay gotta do closing and my laptop's crashed. sigh i hate it when hardware goes bonkers, so helpless!

unrivalled.

2009-07-05T00:50:00.002+08:00

if you don't have a filfthy rich boyfriend (or even a poor one for that matter), i figured the next best thing is to have an elder sister that might hopefully splurge on you once in twenty-one years. when i returned home to find the box lying on the bed i told myself to remain calm.

i know right? what's the big deal, other people have loads of that.
but not me.
besides i live on materialism : a preoccupation with or stress upon material rather than intellectual or spiritual things

i think i might smirk in my dreams later.

speaking of which buying movie tickets without prior bookings was sucha breeze, especially when you can beat the long line of patiently awaiting commoners to only have the tickets sold out when it's finally your turn. visa platinum ftw!

and look what OFFICIALLY ARRIVED:

EVEN IF I CANT ACTUALLY DRIVE I HAVE THIS AND IT'S ALL THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME! MUAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS IS THE GATEWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!

the start of countless birthday celebrations

2009-07-01T10:44:00.002+08:00

the first day of July felt different. perhaps promising?
rain is probably an ominous sign but having it come after a draught feels refreshing, no?

i looked through my previous posts and felt i've let myself down for my lack of words lately. i mean i somehow feel that if i were to write a bit more i might balance my mentally unstable mind a bit more so i wont be acting up so frequently.

i think im getting very paranoid these days. i messaged tqt the yesterday then i got upset that she didnt reply. when she said she didnt receive i then realised the msg was in my drafts. haha! but im not gonna tell her that unless she sees this. she has a bad track record anyway. but then again i've always believed that humans are by nature fallible. they always do. and that they cannot be relied upon because they'll never put in a full 100 per cent unless for themselves.

on to more frivolous stuff.

msian highways are the best! the family drove up to genting last week and i got a chance to drive the long stretches of the expressways. OMG IT'S DAMN SHIOK!! the speed limit is like a 110km/h! initally i'd thought that speed for me is impossible but since it was a straight and endless road. the only downside was cars kept overtaking me. it sucks to be overtaken. haha and on occasions when i hit 120km i felt damn wobbly, like am gonna crash anytime. sigh, i still suck =( it's really my dream road. it's one way straight road and very little cars!!! oh and the road shoulder is DAMN WIDE!!! it's like another lane. for a kayu driver like me driving beside the road shlder is a comfort haha. i dont know why but msian roads just feel wider.

and i didnt get honked alot of times!! i only got honked once when i was reversing out. there was once i was about to do a u-turn then the engine stalled!! omg almost died. panicked like siao to restart the engine and slowly turned. the car behind didnt even honk me okay! im very sure in spore my one trip out i will get honked like at least 10 times im not kidding.

on monday i met up with phoebe and madeleine! for dim sum buffet again! haha
missed the two of them sooo much but phoe had to leave early for lessons =( mad and i ended up in bugis and then i saw jessie lim py. haha i was just looking in then i saw her standing there, like i really couldnt believe my eyes. lol madd commented that our way of greeting each other was an exaggeration. but she doesnt know jessie is an exaggeration herself. lol but i like her exaggeration, there's smth so sincere about it, it makes you want to believe in her actions. it was really good seeing her, reminds me of the times we do the silly stuff together.

one more random stuff.
school's pushed a week later due to the aust lecturers not coming in. whoch totally spoilt my plans because i've already booked my venue on the 18th. and on 17th i've great plans too but now on the 17th i've school from 1130 to 1830!!!!!! and 18th i've school till 1530! sigh.

im also not sure if what i want on 18th is what i'm gonna get. haha there's not many ppl on my list. and there's this risk that half of the lot wont come! haha so please dont fail me!

okay im gonna go work my list, the list of things that people ask me for but somehow never got any for me.

Everybody falling down down down down down

2009-06-24T23:19:00.004+08:00

Space Cowboy - Falling Down ft Paradiso Girls Official Music Video

xueling got me addicted to this song and so should you.

2009-06-19T16:01:00.001+08:00

YAY I PASSED MY DRIVING!!!!!!!!! OMG MAD HAPPY!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! SO HAPPY I DONT KNOW WHAT ELSE I CAN TYPE!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

any hotter you'll have to grill it yourself

2009-06-15T23:54:00.001+08:00

can she be any hotter? sigh! and only hot people get away with hair like that. double sigh!

pitbull's the male gaga

2009-06-13T00:04:00.003+08:00

I Know You Want Me (Calle Ocho) [More English Radio Edit] - Pitbull

pitbull's songs are damn addictive!

i think my neighbours are amazing. from yesterday night i heard the mahjong tiles, till this morning when i woke up and till when i came back and till now. don't they have anything else to do?

and it's amazing how the mutual friends in fb work. i never knew this person at work knows the person i met in my poly days. must remember to go find out the roots. and i think im facing a speech and sentence structuring problem. my language ability is detoriating!!! i keep msging in sentences that xl cannot understand. shit

and the friends you may know column is even more astounding. over the week i had 2 long lost acquitances adding me over fb, of which one i dont know why knows yf too. and the other is someone who hasn't contacted me for say, 4 years now? i mean what's the point of being fb friends when you refused to reply my msg years back? ya la, im that petty to remember all these. anyway it irritates me to see that she's rather skinny now. people who manage to slim down irritate me LOL

my sister's happily on her way to redang now. sigh, my number one dream island destination at the moment. yes very unambitious i know but i really really wanna go there!

okay, shall go catch my korean drama and no it's not boys over flowers. i dont understand the joy of watching it. isnt that like watching meteor garden 10 000 times. and i didnt even watched meteor gardens. and i've never watched titanic before. im serious. i think my korean drama has more substance. it's about this man who got murdered but came back for 49 days for his daughter and blah blah , not to mention the main actors are ridiculously good looking and pretty. is everyone like that in korea?

im really not making any sense. must be all the glue i've been sniffing. tsk!

Tequila poP!

2009-06-06T19:50:00.004+08:00

rebel last night. woah, it's getting more crowded every weekend.

xl disappeared. haha

jojo left this afternoon for bkk. amanda's back in one piece. hope she is flu-free haha
jojo will be gone for a really long time = no rebel till she's back. T_T

2009-06-04T10:22:00.000+08:00

YAY I PASSED MY EXAMSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSSS!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

london bridge is falling down

2009-06-02T12:33:00.000+08:00

bored. very bored.
afraid. very afraid.

no, it's really not okay.

2009-05-31T20:34:00.004+08:00

is today throw-a-fit day?at lunch the table adjacent to us demanded to know the breakdown of the cost of the bill.he was so loud and rude the whole place could hear him and of course the staff wasn't the nicest either. then again eating at such a place, you dont really expect detailed breakdown of bills or any service. then was queueing behind this white-haired man at the ticket counter when he was enquiring about some stuff and then he suddenly flared up and scolded the auntie staff behind the counter, something to the extent of why is she so rude and if you're unwilling to serve, then dont seat behind the counter cause countless people are waiting for that job. and that her unwillingness is causing a long queue behind, to which i thought he should be responsible for the long queue and i've always thought people in this country always just made do with bad service. maybe grumble abit behind the staff, not upfront,confrontational and hostile. of course i would also have to add the auntie behind the counter was in fact impatient and was shouting. she didnt make herself clear and her face, woah, it would be every bit worth breaking the glass counter and punching her. he stayed there for quite some time and even when we decided not to queue and walked away, the whole station was filled with his voice. when he walked away his back view gave a very lonely and pitiful feel, like he was bullied, i think the white hair,plastic bag in hand and slight hunch helped. and just five minutes ago, i got flared up at for no reason. i was just innocently playing bejeweled when i suddenly got yelled at. nice.

what happens in a club stays in the club

2009-05-30T22:59:00.004+08:00

it's barely a week when i last saw him and he's evolved into a pau-face. omg he is so major cute!! when he yawns it's totally adorable. but i think he cannot recognise me =(

brother's birthday yesterday night. went for crystal jade. the food is like seriously overrated, nothing that's genuinely nice.

after dinner it was meeting up with xl and jo. rebel-ed. it's been like 3 months since i last stepped in. even the crowd's changed. and for one, it felt like bisexual night haha. oh and there was this ultra hot unknown race that looks like TI. and im not kidding, he is THAT hot.

random photo reflects state of soberness.

one night of clubbing left our legs ultra aching. sign of old age.
worst part was i couldnt fall asleep when the 2 of them slept! and when i finally did xueling suddenly called me to wake up. nice.

cafe cartel for breakfast this morning. not a good choice either. came home and i still couldnt sleep! i blame the weather srsly. and then i cringed abit when i thought of craig david's insomnia haha

oh well. tough week ahead, fraught with dangers,pains,heart attacks.

So starstruck, baby could you blow my heart up?

if i told you you were beautiful, would you date me on a regular?

2009-05-25T11:34:00.002+08:00

YAWN.

it's been so long since i had formal stuff to do on a monday.
speaking of which. if i ever pass my exams, MY TIMETABLE IS ALMIGHTY DISGUSTING!!!
I HAVE CLASSES ON A MONDAY! OMG, i've been class-free on mondays for a year already!
damnit. not to mention i have classes on mon to fri.
not to mention my timings are same as uol!!!! which is screwed up. like 830 to 1130, or 3.30 to 6.30. i want my rmit timing backkk!!!!

which reminds me, next week results are out. the horror!!

woke up with a headache today. ok prolly because i wad bejewel-ing till late hahahahaha
omg damn hooked k, and it's only bloody one min every game. but at least i beat yf and madeleine. HAHA

oh on a random note, a quarter of the universe must be born in july.
i was casually taking a look at chalets, found one that has a mj table provided and 2 storeys fully air-conditioned and relatively cheap. BUT fully booked for july. so is costa sands pasir ris, the one-storey kind and dte. nrscc fully booked. aloha closed for h1n1 quarantine. -.-

i figured it doesnt make sense for me to spend too much on a venue. i just want a place where i can gather as many ppl as possible and party till dawn. lol . i also figured nobody would stay on the second night of a chalet. i've thought of other alternatives like ktv but that really just costs a bomb. i mean sure, if i were a billionaire's daughter or smth. function rooms are useless when they end at ten. woah it would be perfect if i could rent a ktv hall with alcohol free flow, pool table, big ktv screen AND a mj table. perfect. haha

anyway caught night at the museum 2 last weekend. seems like everyone else watched it too. but i thought the first one was funnier although i dont regret watching the second one. and ting and i had to especially go for macs just to get the cup which we later realised wasnt as pretty as it was made out to be.

yeaterday was joshua's full month. which was regrettably boring. and the main lead wad sleeping ALL THE TIME. omg he's lazier than his elder sister. and the only time he was semi-awake was when he wants his milk. and my brother looks like he has been selling blood for a living for some time. either that or he might have been on drugs. couldnt have looked more ghastly.

it's only 333pm, meeting the lovely ppl after work!

to a woman so heartless

2009-05-22T22:56:00.004+08:00

removed my stitches today. it's red and swollen but it's also kinda black. yikes.

anyway i think kris allen is major cute and can't believe he's married. so wholesome! i was hoping adam lambert wouldnt win. not an AI follower but seeing him makes me feel very uncomfortable. like he's overdoing it. and when he sings i get the goosebumps in the frightened manner.

went to illuma the other day.

it's big, cold, cold, very cold. big, empty.

finally caught wolverine. but the staff at the new cinema were really unwelcoming. adds to the coldness of the whole place.

dinner at empire state.

yummy half chicken. didnt know i couldnt eat chicken then.

dropped by stansfield. looks like a total hotel. figured why phoebe didnt like it. i wouldnt either. saw lengendary econs lecturer.

tau huey! walked allllll the way to centrepoint.

met up with qt the next day. i cant remember what we did. oh tampines one!

didnt felt like i was in tampines when i was in the mall. but it's pretty much a big but relatively empty mall. nothing to buy. uniqlo's really just a bigger and more colourful giordano who recently launched a cheer-you-up line. couldnt find anything to buy yet.

ok, lazy to update.

anesthetic-infused.

2009-05-15T12:12:00.002+08:00

i went to remove a cyst on my face today.
found a small lump on my face late last year. went to the skin centre only in march this year. initially i thought it'll be better to live with it than to remove it. wasn't the first time i had such an operation, had one a decade ago and the scar was huge. it was really bad back then, was barely eleven. so it was like a trauma to me and it's partial anesthetic which makes it all the more scary.

but the more i thought about it, the more i look in the mirror to see the green lump, the more irritated i got. i didnt know how i convinced myself either. but i guess sometimes the fear of smth more serious is a big driving factor. it's like going to the dentist WHICH reminds me my decayed front tooth got more decayed and it's quite painful. now i have to convince myself to go to the dentist. sigh why is my life full of agony!!

okay so initially i was scheduled for next fri when i called on monday but they said there was a slot for today so i bravely took it. haha. 8am!!

got there before 8, waited and up to the point when i was about to go in the nurse suddenly told me that i needed to sigh a consent form cos i was THREE MONTHS AWAY FROM BEING A MINOR. #$%^&^%^$%

lucky daddy managed to come down at 9 ish to sign it. and i was supposed to go for a pre-counselling trip before this . -.- how come i didnt had one when i was ten!!! but anyway they made it sound super super serious by warning that i may be disfigured and the scar will be ugly.
the scar will be damn ugly for THREE months and depends on my skin condition whether it will heal nicely or not. now this makes me scared. what if it is a caterpillar-like scar?!!! =(

remind me not to eat anything fried and bad for scars!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

so daddy promptly left and i had to climb onto the operation bed or smth. oh! forgot to mention that the doctor was a very very very young female and she was very very very pretty. her skin is flawless! and following behind was this male doctor i think he was her trainee or smth and he is, im not kidding, rather goodlooking. like tanned and well-built. this is so unfair, how can doctors be so unbelievably young, pretty and goodlooking?!!! oh and there was also one more assistant who also happened to be very very pretty and her voice is super sweet and she's damn nice! okay i cannot help but admit nice-looking nurses who look sweet and gentle are very comforting indeed. not those very fierce and stern looking kind that will punch you if you make even a small sound.

oh did i mention i had to wear a shower cap and blue plastic wraps that cover my entire feet? nice.

the injection was painful and took realllllly long.like an endless needle going through

and then they started. ok physically when they were removing it i couldnt really tell but the thoughts that ran through the head was the torturing part. and the SEWING UP PART.

omg the sewing up part was THE HORROR!
NOT ONLY CAN YOU HEAR THE SKIN BEING SEWN, IT WAS CONSTANTLY TUGGING MY SKIN. THEN I THOUGHT 'OMG MY SKIN IS BEING CUT OPENED AND NOW BEING SEWN AND TUGGED'
it was so horrible i wanted to die on the spot, and even if it was 2-3 stitches IT FELT LIKE FOREVER!!!!
and in the midst of tugging my skin they started to chat and i suspect they were talking in morse code, to well, not make me panick about my tugged skin. i heard phrases like 'where is it?' followed by a laugh and then the [very goodlooking] male doc said smth like 'I CANT FIND IT' which didnt really fit into the nature of the conversation. they were apparently talking about going to a social medical event and his report or smth.

and yea, that doctor sure saw me skin-deep.

in reality i know the operation took last than hald an hour, if not fifteen mins, but it was like an eternity when you're the one lying there, being cut and sewn.

oh and im so weak im an embarrassment. when i walked out of the room i felt a little giddy so i sat down. then i had this almighty urge to puke. so another very nice lady took a bag for me but the only thing i was capable of puking out is some stomach acid?i dont know what is that but its the kind of thing that comes out when you feel like puking but you've not eaten anything so liquid from nowhere comes out. and at some point my heart was beating quite fast, it was the kind of feeling that's so uncomfortable i felt like whining and throwing a tantrum and thought i was about to die. but of course, as im a generally sane person i wouldnt have wanted to embarrass myself further.

then they made me lie on the bed for like 20 mins when they said it was ten so i thought at some point they forgotten me. and even took my blood pressure. hah. ashamed of my weakliness. then when i was lying down i suddenly had a tummy cramps. at some point the cramps were quite bad i was breaking out in sweat and had to sit up to feel better.WOAH, the feeling of giddiness with cramps and breaking out in sweat is like damn shiok on a very sadistic level. -.-

when i was about to leave, the very pretty doctor gave a very worried face about whether i can make it alive back home. her worried expression was like, so full of love haha

it's amazing how everyone was so major nice i wonder where they come from or go to usually. even the receptionist who helped me with the appointment was so concerned and caring.

now im dreading next fri when i have to remove the stitches. the cold scisscors press against your skin and when it cuts, you can hear the sound like as if you pull a string to its tightest and then cut it. bahhh

and, when you have alien stuff on your face, everybody just stares at you. even when i look at them they might look away and then when i look somewhere they will sneakily stare again. it's actually quite funny, loving the attention. lol

okay now im feeling occasional stinging pain. is there any food im not supposed to eat to help my scar. kao, i think i dont have to eat anything for the rest of my life.

okay, on to more frivolous and light-hearted stuff.
last saturday the family had sakura lunch buffet but the brother and sis-in-law and joshua couldnt come for apparent reasons. speaking of which joshua's full month's like next sat, how fast.

took J to the hairdresser and i have to say kids' hairdressing is very lucrative! just install tv in front for the kinds to divert their attention and ka-ching, 20 bucks per head. what hair style?! dont even need to cut that much hair even.

oh ya, since spray was free, we sprayed her hair pink haha. it's not very obvious in the pics

later that evening, met up with jo's, xl and her parents for a beeeer.
then picked amanda on the way then off to corinne's 21st party!

she has a disney/superheroes theme and she's tinkerbell, with wings constanly shoving into innocent parties' faces.

stalkerish photo but spot peterpan aka the boyfriend. haha i think this is a cruel test of how much a guy is willing to go for the gf. so to test how great your bf's love is for you, hold theme parties!

the other room has ping pong and pool. i missed playing pool so much!

see xueling's placating smile with me

COMPARE!

SEE!!

the condo's really pretty, cept we got lost and walked round and round a few times. it's not really a condo, i dont know what's the proper term for it. it's houses with like 3/4 levels each and a roof but there're security guards around. it kinda felt like an enclosed town

bamboo grove in middle of nowhere

candid group pic! not that i personally know her but check out storm. lol

there was a post-surprise for corinne at Scarlet's Hotel and we were invited. very embarrassing but it's my first time going to a boutique hotel and it's very errh, couple-y? very love-inducing i guess.

Thurs 14/5

met daph for high-tea dim sum buffet!

i love daph but she is a bad eating partner. NO PORK NO CHICKEN NO DURIAN.
'eh i take two, the rest you eat'
'eh you eat all ah, i dont eat one'
-.-

she takes all he dim sum stuffed with prawns then complains why i didnt eat. so she had to eat 3 siew mais and 3 har kows and used it as an excuse for me to eat everything else.
'eh i ate 6 hor, so you eat!!!'

and so i ate..

3 CHAR SIEW SOHS TO MYSELF

century egg porridge. yummms

salad roll. she took it and demanded that i eat 2!! but it's quite nice though haha

double boiled soup! very yummy
'eh you dont eat lotus?'
'no..'
'you're so weird'
'...'
coming from the one that eats lotus!!!!! who is btw not me.

garlic pork slices!!! omg i wished sumei was here with me!!!!!! DAMN SHIOK. had to like polish off one plate by myself BECAUSE xxx doesnt eat pork. pfft

red bean with banana. didnt like the combination. i love bother seperate but not together. ok la, the worthy thing about daph is she likes red bean, cant eat anything red bean with weiting. haha

i dont know what is this but she found it so awful she stacked the other steamers on top to hide it

EGG TARTS DAMN NICEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEEE!
ITS SO SOFFFFFFFFFTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTTT!!!

love the mango pudding! i dont eat mango the fruit itself but i love mango pudding hahaha

so we went to vivocity next. walked around, couldnt find a nice top! sigh

ok, onward to even more superficial stuff.

my threadless tee! bought 2, must buy ten more next time haha. i think the two of them forgot they even bought tshirts with me!

yay no more using laptop to charge ipod! but the adpater looks kinda dosgy, wonder if it will blow up =x

and i found this wonderful creation. it's a plug that has TWO jacks so one mp3 connects TWO sets of earphones!!! so that means no need to share one earphone each and you can toally leech other mp3s at without hinder! yay lol

my cheek hurts! ok, tv time!

of overdue pictures post

2009-05-08T00:06:00.007+08:00

isn't this pretty? it's a cake. just in case you think the frying pan + egg deco is marzipan and cant be eaten, it's actually dark choc. the broken egg shells are white choc. aint it pretty? the yolk is mango jelly, egg white is white wine jelly.

cleared the photos on my camera, to find some way way overdue pics unposted.

suki sushi with sim mates for jasmin's belated bday!

huihui / jasmin having an animated conversation

i realised this is not a very flattering picture but it's the only one that has everyone in the opposite row in.

joel / kian being brokeback

also some time back, dinner with polymates!

absolutely hate how army makes them lose so much weight.

i miss them! hope we'll be meeting sooooon

Little J's day!

bought her a barbie doll which i have no idea where she threw it to

mk's pre bday chalet

had a bbq which i think was quite a flop. i was the one who started the embarassing fire and was initally damn proud that i was able to start a fire although i later realised that is not the crucial part to a lasting bbq flame.

real satay uncle steps in

bums playing bridge. i HATE bridge.

new bottle which was finished within an hour. but all's fair since practically half the bottle was finished by him

qt's black feet

Today

suki sushi buffet with jojo

shitloads of omega 333333

walked around town but didnt managed to find anything suitable yet.
saw a pretty pair of sandals at prettyfit, thinking if i should buy them, because no matter how many pairs of shoes i may buy i end up wearing my $5/pair black/white slippers haha

i feel semi retrenched. the days i'll be working in may doesnt even add up to a week. it's a good thing in a sense that i dont really wanna work but in terms of cash im badly strapped. sigh! i hope maybe someday someone will accidently ibank into my acct some money

abruptly ending!

right round like a record

2009-05-04T23:11:00.003+08:00

i wonder if anyone noticed i've been away for a short while.

nothing much for the past one month.

be it a month or a year, it doesnt feel like there's a difference. everything's pretty much the same.

sigh, now to wait for results. the only comfort now is to hug my tv and the cable box allll day long, minus the fact that i've got to go back to work. double sigh.

nobody has the time to watch x men with meeeeeeeeeeeee. hate uol exams, why cant we have it at the same time! by the time they're finished i would have to start school already. and i wonder if all the friends i've made the past few years were imaginary. they've like, evaporated?

oh but i owe sockhui one. now to wait for ksm for one day more.

anyway the only one thing worth mentioning is little joshua tee.

he sleeps in the funniest way. and brother said he didnt cry when he came out, too lazy.

he's been sleeping ALOT. all he ever does is sleep, wail, drink, fall back asleep.

one of the first few moments of a very thrilled sister. she doesnt allow people to excessively crowd around her baby brother. i wonder who's the more dominant one in future.

panic attacks like a crack in the levy

2009-04-16T01:24:00.003+08:00

can't stand it.

twelve more days and i would be expected to write essays like how i used to, without having practiced.

my fear is pretty absurd.
it's the kind whereby i constantly say i'm panicking but i can never seem to do enough.
or perhaps, do nothing at all.

it's like standing in the middle of a really wide road alone in the dark, with this huge trunk coming my way with blinding headlights. but all i can and would do is to just stand there, too weak to move, with hands shaking.

this is tough.

Tale as old as time,Song as old as rhyme

2009-04-02T22:57:00.004+08:00

when i was much much younger, beauty and the beast looked so perfect. and everyone wanted to be belle.

now that im 21, im pretty amazed at how i never thought that if the beast [who is damn cute btw] never became a prince, how twisted it would be if they ever got married and... have kids. what comes out?

disney is such a cult, but me favourite's still cinderella. i think it's because it was the first disney cartoon i came across, and perhaps the secret fact that i'd like to believe that those who get ill-treated will someday strike it rich.

snow white is just dumb, so frail and weak and dumb. and it also kinda implies that IF you're pretty you can charm everyone, from all the 7 dwarfs to the brainless prince is at her beck and call.

sleeping beauty is another good for nothing. only sleeps.okay, granted she is under a spell!

and ariel can only blame herself for her naivety, go around trusting unknown people just cos the witch made herself look young and pretty.

but cinderella fought for her dream, worked hard enough, fought to go to the ball and yay happy ending!

come to think of it, disney classics didnt seem too classic to me now.
i'm also in an unbelievably bad mood of late. i snap at every possible chance and in my mind cursing anyone i see.

headachy

2009-03-27T20:55:00.002+08:00

http://blog.wired.com/gadgets/2008/09/showdown-htc-t.html

been borrowing kian's iphone for a while and twittering. haha and the more i hate my current phone. anyway it's spoilt again!!! but i dont really fancy the iphone, cept that wifi is really useful. not to mention all the applications available. well, touchpad isn't really my choice either. fat thumb you see.

on the other hand, i kinda like htc dream. qwerty keyboard! but in terms of applications it's a little complicated. both has facebook, which isnt really important. both has twitter which is good. BUT iphone has blogger app but will need to buy the app. htc dream doesnt, at all! so annoying.

i like htc dream's design, so sleek. but one thing is, you have to flip the keyboard out, so no msging with one hand!!!

im also not sure if im suitable for a smart phone hahahahahaha. but i really wanted to a flip phone.

okay, am getting none for now of course.

sigh, exams in a exactly a month. test on tues. law notes undone. i'm on my way to steady destruction =(

2009-03-22T01:38:00.002+08:00

i just finished watching sweeney todd on hbo. it was awesome!!!! johnny depp is so eccentric he looked perfectttt. not to also mention his voice is oh so charming. and tim burton is amazing!! the story plot, it was so sad and never expected the ending.come to think of it the plot is really really sad but it's a beautiful tragedy i guess. oh the hbo version cut out all the major gross scenes but the amount of blood can get a little uncomfortable. should have caught it in the cinema, but the gross parts would really be disturbing.

dinner with the poly mates yesterday night. will post the rest soon.

a considerable amount of pictures-post

2009-03-19T22:53:00.004+08:00

last week.
painted the small room at the back of the house.

talk about child labour.

i'm proud to say that i did 20% of the painting!

also some time last week, met jo for lunch

fish with cheese oozing out

also last week, thursday. it show with yf! she was the only one who spared a little time for me, the other 8362428 others i asked were TOO busy for me apparently.

the sea salt caramel ice cream is back!!!!!! YAYNESS!

my buys!! imho the bodyshop sale was way way way more crazy than it show. i dare say all women have this bitchiness streak in them and will stop at NOTHING to get what they want. i was pushed and pushed for an hour just to reach my eyeliner okay! for once there were significantly larger females around me.

last friday.

ehub with sumei,amanda and kw!

I FOUND ANOTHER PLACE IN SPORE THAT SELLS MILK TEA WITH PUDDING!!!!!!!
but somehow i still feel yl's one is the best, other than the hk one.

fish & co express for dinnnner. sh joined us impromtu-ly!

my hand looks like im boxing the innocent backdrop person.

haolian only.

the following candid pictures can briefly tell a story, courtesy of amanda.

looking a bit cock-eyed.

peeping tom

"WHY YOU LEAN SO CLOSE TO HER FOR WHAT!"

angry sumei. this picture is major lol, cant stand it everytime i see it.

scared.

still obssessed over her. haha

'okay la, i move over k!'

satisfied!

love!

she is evil. threatened to throw me off the car when i said smth unflattering about her i think.

next on to bark cafe!

one of the perfect combinations.

heh

beer stealer

grumpy pic of her to end the post!

it's getting difficult to breathe.

2009-03-13T09:51:00.000+08:00

standing in front of life, feeling ever so mediocre.

what's a little more weight,
what's a few more cuts,
what's a little less love,
what's a few more drops of tears.

i'm sorry.

because when you think of it, the possibilities are infinite.

2009-03-03T23:58:00.002+08:00

i have my accounting and econs notes piling up right in front of me but in my mind im just so distracted i can never study.

just felt like typing.

my mind is so actively thinking of random stuff i cannot seem to control myself.

but, have you thought of the possibilities in life? whether you account it to fate, life, destiny, choices.i mean, sometimes looking back and thinking about the decisions you made and choices you chose, what was going through your mind when you made such a decision? in what state of mind were you in? why did you think the way you thought?

and then i back tracked a little through my life and i wonder what would have happened should i have taken the other way, or bravely stepped out of my comfort zone into something else?

- if i chose gmss instead of sacss for a secondary education
- if i didnt choose my cca i was in
- if i went into np's product and design for poly
- if i didnt heed the dumb advisory's advice and stuck with business IT as an appeal choice
- if i never stepped into IT school at all. woah the thought of not knowing the 3 of them and maybe just randomly walking past them or even gossiping about them is a horrid thought.
- if i actively joined smth in poly
- if i talked to more ppl in class
- if i never chose sim
- if i chose uol
- if i went for my orientation
- if i joined smth in sim. technically speaking i can still join, but the chances are like negative.

well, that's all i can think of for now, things that i didnt really understand my decisions and what was i thinking at that point of time. and what would have taken place if i chose the other way out. the people i would come across, the people i would have missed. so far the people that i've met and are friends with, are great. well, for all you know, it could have been better, or more positively, worse.

i dont know, but sometimes thinking of the endless possibilities makes everything appear just a little more interesting. although amanda pointed out that there's no use thinking about it. but im really just a person who constantly feel that the grass will always be greener and longer and better on the other side.

and i guess sometimes miracles do happen. it's just that at that point of time we failed to recognise it. or took them for granted. but when you look back, it's amazing how sometimes things just fall into place like that, if not, eventually it passes and things, people, you thought you couldnt forget or deal with losing, just get blown away with time, or quietly tucked into a corner of your brain you might occassionally think about and forget and get reminded again. and when everytime you recall it, a bit of it just chips off and then the incident slowly reduces to a blur and so distant you wonder if it ever took place at all.

oh well. i know i repeated alot of words and dont really know if i make sense. im random and incoherrent.

All the eyes on me in the center of the ring just like a circus

2009-03-01T01:21:00.002+08:00

i hated february.

not like march will be any interesting.

my life is so utterly boring there is not one thing i can mention to you about. i hate 2009. well probably also 2010,2011 to 20-as-long-as-i-live.

best of me

2009-02-21T22:32:00.003+08:00

my right side of my mouth and throat has become paralysed. it hurts even when i try to talk. but yet i cannot stop eating. very annoying. oh and amanda bought me liang teh today! haha as disheartening as she can be, that was already a rather sweet gesture of her i guess. impromptu dinner with amanda, kw plus sumei. i wanna use an slr to take artsy photos too!

on a more solemn and serious note, i lately, more than ever, have noticed that my pool of friends have decreased by a significant number. it's not that they died or we quarreled. i guess it's the fact that everyone is like horribly in love nowadays and would rather spend every single cent and second with their other half.

oops, sensitive issue, in case some people [which i would reckon a whole lot of ppl's feet will] might think the shoe fits them.

haha, but im not bitter. AM I?!

okay on an even more solemn beyond solemn note, 2 tests next week. law and stats. omg im so not gonna pull through this week.

when i grow up

2009-02-21T02:19:00.002+08:00

came home slightly later than usual.

felt a little weird when the folks didnt call to see where was i, you know, like concerned calls. so i reached home and they were like realllly sound asleep, with a little lamp still switched on. when i was much younger i usually left a light on when i had to sleep alone and they were against having lights on when one's asleep, for whatever reasons.

so i switched off the little lamp for them and closed the door, trying to be as quiet as possible while doing so.

no, i didnt like the reverse of roles.

i bet it's bruises all over your face tonight

2009-02-15T02:48:00.008+08:00

wished i was among the audience, t.i is damn hot.

besides 13th feb is a friday, it also happens to be daddy's day.

[btw dont be so alarmed by a fri the 13th, you're gonna get another one in march. if you look properly, the dates/day for feb is exactly the same for march.]

birthday dinner!

longevity buns. super cute!

that's a xiao long bao. ate like 2 before i remembered i was supposed to take a photo and yes, that is how much i live xlbs

meat

fish

so 14/2 almost saw me going to school alone.

i think i gotta start preparing myself for the day to come when i'll be all alone in lecture.

well, if it's any consolation, loners are usually interesting people.

kinda glad i had amanda's company over the phone today. talking/smsing with her made things a lot easier. and yl's too, although i remember she didnt reply my last msg, haha

well, friends in need!

met up with jo/xl/kim.

chicken rice at random katong. then over to siglap and found this cozy small restaurant with a friendly lady boss and staff.

serves german food but was already full by then, intention was to only get some beeeeer~ haha

as good as erdinger.

had to order a fudge to go along. but sadly this version of the fudge is rather light.

kimmie kim kim. she's very very funny. the way she says stuff is so matter-of-fact yet horribly funny. and i wanna have her hair because its so bloody thick! i also remember asking her to thin it when we were sec 3. haha

really dont know so happy for what. it's really ridiculously happy lor

after the beer we went over for some starbucks. it was a good do-nothing-but-gossip session. takes one's mind off so much stuff, especially stupid school.

the night abruptly ended when daddy offered to pick me up.

woah, it's 410am!

desperate attempt

2009-02-11T23:33:00.002+08:00

right now i wish Elite was for real. then i would have logged on and found someone else who had been through rmit mgmt accting so i can ask them about my tutorial. alternatively, i could search for any past tutorials or answers uploaded onto the central learning resources, also known fondly as the CLR. then we would be a world where technology enables a better education for all.

and all the patent money.

that's what friends are for

2009-02-08T22:57:00.009+08:00

i'm just afraid the army arrests me for this.

cant believe i'm saying this but for the first time in many many days, i'm actually quite happy today =)

mk opened up his exclusive golden gates for us to mj!!! omg missed mj-ing with all the experts haha. okay so i lost 5 bucks and in the 15 days that i've gambled, i've NEVER won money.. but i'm happy today, despite the loss. we managed to play proper mahjong, from east wind to north wind.

she won 5 bucks from me. and they kept ban lucking it's annoying.

well, it felt really good to meet up with them. it's so comfortable. havent seen the guys since 2008, but jol and qq's missing though. and mk only gave me a few sips of erdinger . #%*&&^*%^$#!

'eh the more i wash the tiles, the more i think it looks like the colour of the hotdogs leh'
'then you see ah, on top is the hotdog, below is the rice. HAHAHAHAHAH'

her name is yoyo. and she looked totally bored the whole day.

i think i can never comprehend how much they dread their life now. but thinking what i have in store for the week bores me too. and this semester is full of numbers and figures i dont think i can pull through? i know i've mentioned this for the 2982498346th time, but im really not confident. i havent bought the textbooks, havent revised. and the lecturers keep pointing out the high failure rates it's terrifying.

also have to point out how skinny he is. i think he is 35 kg now. wanted to punch him so bad when he said 'you have no idea how difficult it is to gain weight'
he is also good to murder. just kill and stuff it in a small box, easy to dispose of.

i miss them already! i wonder when will be the next time we meet?

p/s gotta thank tqt for the candid shots. although later she fell asleep while we were mj-ing

p/p/s/

been reading ontd alot lately. i still think she's damn hot (and slutty in a good sense). and she always manages to look fake, like a barbie doll kind of beauty fake. and she works out so much check out the leggs.

the list goes on and on

2009-02-08T00:53:00.006+08:00

this is not the first time i've seen this but the first time i saw it it was spinning anticlockwise. then the second time i looked at it, it became clockwise. is it my brain or did the woman really start spinning different directions?

[yl just told me this is a fake. I KNEW IT LOR!!!]

im sleepy but not ready to sleep yet.

i've been so bored i accquired a new hobby. internet reversi through the games section that comes installed on your computer.

reversi is my favourite board game. it's just plain black and white, unlike checkers or chess. the logic behind reversi is also simple, but you need every bit of brain juice when you're playing it.

you know what's the marvellous and perfect thing to reversi?

it's that you never know when you're winning or not until the last move. you can dominate the board all the way through the middle of the game but if your opponent is smart enough or you just have to make a single wrong move, you can lose just like that. like there's always this chance for you to turn the tables anytime. and you really gotta think about the consequences and what's the next move when you decide where to place your, er, chip? there is always this possibilities are endless, it's amazing. okay i dont know about chess but i dont think checkers is half as fun as reversi.

and it isnt necessary that once you occupy all 4 corners you'll win. earlier on i was playing against this japanese and was she good. even when i took the 4 corners of the board, she won by a significant number. to think i was leading, pfft.

i think i'm falling sick soon. i actually feel cold now.

eh, if you're up for a semi-scary treat, you can click on the enlarged version and see jo's eyes pop out of the sockets. when i clicked it i was kinda scared by what i saw.

will blog about the 15 days of cny when it's over. i think i will.

not inspired.

2009-02-05T00:40:00.002+08:00

i cant get to sleep.

i suspect it's the very filling company dinner a few hours ago.
my first cny company dinner, at a private kitchen. woah, the ambience was great, it was so private and un-commercial. the red packets certainly came as a surprise. but i made a mistake at work today. a grave one. i was told to pray that nothing happens or that would be the end of me.

sigh, thinking about it i hate how brainless i was.

my lesson's from 10 to 1 and im still horribly awake at 1am.
means tmr im gonna be late and wont be concentrating in lectures. never did anyway, all i do is sit in lecture and stare at the clock and be amazed at how slowly time can crawl. for 3 hours.

doesn't help that tmr is stats.

i wonder how i used to type such long entries but now, i always end up not knowing what to type for my next line. i also realised how self-absorbed one can be when she starts to indulge in excessive self-pitying. but of course, knowing and doing something about it are two seperate entities. maybe i should really stop ranting about how my life is boring. well, or at least try to? i can also try to tell myself that my life is only boring if i make it out to be boring.

sigh, see what not being able to sleep + awake in middle of the night + lessons at 10 am + not-to-mention-it's-stats does to me.

OH YA.
while i've been saying i want to lose weight, i've been losing nothing but HAIR!!!!
omg, everyone's like telling me what little hair i have left and i've noticed lately how SIGNIFICANTLY MY HAIR IS FALLING AT EVERY CHANCE POSSIBLE.
and no, i didnt even diet and my amt of white hair is astonishing!!!!! worrying results in white hair right? but what have i been worrying about? i have no idea!!!!

and and maybe i sigh too much. should stop sighing.
ok, new 2009 resolution! which, by end feb 2009 i would forget. haha

2009-02-03T14:35:00.002+08:00

horribly bored.

i've been at home for two days now.madeleine is gonna come back in two days' time. hope we'll arrange some time to meet! sigh i really mean to blog but my boring life cannot provide me with anything to tell. ok shall go eat and pile on those kilos.

it's not like london's calling you.

2009-02-02T09:34:00.002+08:00

slight alcohol in my blood last night and im denied of more sleep after 9am. it always happens. had no idea that plans were cancelled today. sigh, was so very looking forward to it. but ah york isnt replying me. sigh =(

i always thought (good) friends would meet up on cny. surely out of the 15 days there would be just one day for each other? apparently not. no, i'm not grumbling,i cant grumble right? about ppl not wanting to meet me. it's just that i wonder where we're placed on each other's mind sometimes. whether any of us is important enough to be placed on the list, or to make initial plans come true.

and the ppl i've met for the past week have been great ppl, appreciate your putting me on the 'to-meet' list. although well, eveytime we meet to gamble, i've been losing money to you.

4th day of new year

2009-01-29T13:49:00.004+08:00

and i had school from 10 - 1pm.
slept at 5am, woke at 7.30,relatively okay since my journey to school wasnt alone, amazing i can tell kian so much stuff, he makes a fine gossiping partner

and yes, i am a sore loser.
i only gambled for 2 days and i kept losing!
2 nights of ban luck, i only banluck-ed once!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and mj without tai, i also lost like 10-ish bucks -.- and i never even 'hu' once!
ok granted that mj requires some skills but ban luck is really just luck, and i lost like almost every single game! =(

that said, i still want to banluck and mahjong!!!!!!!!!!

2009-01-24T23:08:00.002+08:00

eve of eve of chinese new year.

well, no concrete plans yet, realised that the ppl around me are very family-oriented, especially in times like the chinese new year.

i want to go to river angbao, is it still called that? but i have no idea where it's shifted to. i am dying for mahjong and banluck and im convinced my family is the only family that does not gamble during cny. so sometimes i wonder how come im the only one in the fanily that constantly wants to mahjong and banluck my life away? but then agai im neither good at, or rather, suck at those gambling games so i see the connection after all.

another point i realised that i dont blend into the family is my beyond belief math-skills. i have almost never seen anyone who suck at math as bad as me. if the whole family suck in using our left brains i at least have an excuse of blaming those genes but nooooooooo, my dad, brother and sis' best subject is math. why oh why? and all my friends around me are also good in math, think weiting, yorkfeng, xueling.never understood how they can score like 90-ish for math!!!! i cannot tell you how much i HATE math and numbers. in fact i believe i have a phobia for numbers. like when i see very big numbers i completely panick and zonk out the next minute. and that blooody fotune teller i went to last time said i would have a good career in the banking industry. yea right.

having said that im gonna fail stats, in fact, all my subjects this sem. and to think i thought sem 1 was tough. all my subjects are very numbers and math oriented this sem. think management accting and business, statistics,prices and markets and commercial law. commercial law! im never gonna even come close to passing it i swear. and im still not concentrating on the lectures. =(

omg, what a bleak new year.

what new year?

2009-01-21T23:28:00.003+08:00

looking at the dates on the calendar, i wonder how the 15 days of my chinese new year would be.

first two days are pretty standard [and dreadful] and i'm somewhat determined to meet up with all of my friends during this period. well, that would be quite impossible though when i did a reality check. i wonder in the end if i would ever be able to mahjong, banluck, steamboat, lo hei or even meet up with anyone. i wish there was a place with an abundance of alcohol free flow, 4 mahjong tables, 2 banluck stations, loads of pizza and bak kwa and all of my friends gathered there, oh heaven!

sigh, i miss everyone.

amanda's BIG 21st!

2009-01-18T15:50:00.000+08:00

A is for Amanda who seems to like to be first about just everything.

normally people with the alphabet 'A' is destined to be the first few in everyone's phone contacts right, Amanda made sure she stays in front even in class index numbers by having her surname Ang. and, is born the seventh day of the new year. so.. front. lol

i dont know if you'll understand this entry, cos i updated it on 3 different dates so.. try to link the missing links yourself

here goes:

time check: 5/1/09 3.51pm

havent been home since new year's eve. havent slept properly in like 5 days. and now im reluctant to sleep because i cant really believe the magical 3 days has past me by yet again. and yes, by magical i meant like magic. and i use the word 'magical' so many times i think i live in disneyland -.-

well, i think this party goes way back to 2008, november.

i was studying and cursing for my accounts exams when i got an unknown number calling, and it turned out to be amanda's dad. he said he was planning a surprise for amanda and was hoping if i could help. sigh, and to think sometimes my dad forgets how old i am and my birthday.

woah, was planning a bitch, like seriously

im no organizer if you dont already know by now, and while i love surprises, it's really just difficult to plan them. and we all kind of know how awkward birthday chalets can be when there's a mixture of secondary school,jc,uni mates right? and truth be told, right from the start i was quite convinced this surprise wouldnt be all that good.

i had to seek help from sumei,jo,xl,hui and think of stuff. i would also have to contact her other friends. the thing is, i often hear their names but how in the world was i supposed to contact them. amanda had plans for herself initailly, she wanted to go overseas for her birthday. i was clueless on how to go about doing for the longest time i swear.

xl said i could go fb message them and so i did. i started with the 2 names she often talked and praised about, adeline and yj, hah! it wasnt easy fact-finding okay although amanda's msn nick was a good source to who she likes. so i fb messaged them and they didnt reply for days, i also figured that most ppl dont care about their inbox as well. i got tired of waiting i decided to directly steal the numbers myself. so i did, during a dinner with her i managed to get 2 contact numbers but i had to do it like steathily, with her sitting beside me.

so eventually i managed to contact the two of them and they were indeed helpful with the stuff and coordination. really lucky i had them cos where would all the people come from if they didnt ask? haha

----- by now it's 11/1/09, been a week but i promised amanda a smashing blog entry of HER century. haha but i kinda forgot a lot of stuff already --------

almost everything had been settled and then amanda had to surprise us with her own get-together gathering which threw us off our feet for a brief moment. so the thing was to play it by ear and see how everything goes. frankly i was really convinced it wouldnt work out and then when amanda finds out the surprise she'll only go 'oh'.
on 3/1 , woke up bright and early at jo's cos we spent fri night at rebel haha
sumei and bf came to pick us up for the errands. bought the deco and picked up the cake, drinks, checked in.
adeline and friends also came to the chalet to help decorate and erm, pump the balloons. i swear i hate balloons btw, so annoying.

heh, preparation!

then we went over to amanda's. and pretended to not know each other

illegal gathering

amanda has so many friends i dont even know who's who. even if i see them now i cant really remember i guess, not like they can recognise me. haha

and we blindfolded amanda

her dad is awesome i swear, arranged for a bus to pick us up and off to the chalet!!!

when we finally reached it was chaotic at some pt in time cos amanda was the last to come in, so no photos cos i guess everyone panicked and forgot? so we threw water bombs at her, to which i dont know why i got involved. oh wait, i became her shield. so much for ME buying the bombs -.-

and then there was this confetti thing which was damn funny because someone who was supposed to fire it at amanda ended up aiming at someone else's eyes. and he calmly said 'eh, good shot good shot' omg classic!!!! lol and the confetti ended up inside the room!!!! but amanda's friend was once again very prompt in claening up, so prompt im impressed. lol

the next 1000 shots are group shots, some candid. i think the group shots took an hour before we could really cut the cake. phew, and alocohol in my blood just made everything easier i guess. haha

left: the sick, the un-sober, the drinker

best of both worlds eh? =x

maybe you'll think the group shots look all the same, but i dont care, having repeats is better than losing a few. haha

after the cake cutting a significant amount of people left.

and while the rest were leaving, this bunch of gamblers started to form their own circle

gambling + alcohol turns strangers = best friends

likes to be carried around

oh and im terribly sorry that we cleaned out amanda's friend's alocohol collection =x well, i didnt know we were gonna drink so much. anyway it wasnt me!!! haha

well, the intention was to get amanda drunk but apparently she kept running away!

we were playing indian poker and i think the alocohol were all mixed up.

and this was what happened. i've never been so un-sober all my life! i actually forgot whatever i did and said. this has never happened to me before. apparently i also did unforgivable acts =(

and then i concussed. so i had no idea what happened, except that a few hrs later, i think, i suddenly woke up and ran to the toilet. i ran past them

the photos are a combination of amanda's and mine btw

damn funny. and i have no idea who is that.

i also remembered i stayed in the toilet for the longest longest time, trying to puke, and slept at the same time. when ppl came knocking on the door i just knocked back, cos i was too tired to stand up and unlock the door haha. and and also i remember i was puking when i heard a guy sing 'ting hai' omg his voice was majorrrrr nice!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! so imagine the scene of me puking my lungs out and then go like 'huh huh, whose nice voice is that?!' lol

i also remember when i finally unlocked the door i saw ppl looking at me, still on the floor, trying to puke, and daniel closed the toilet cover for me, in case i sink my face in. -.- but at that time i thought he was ridiculous to stop me from puking, hah!

i promptly fell aslseep. the crowd playing th game was also nowhere to be seen. think they left for breakfast. and i fell asleep.

and then i woke. and i looked around. then there were mini mahjong tiles. then i played for a bit

just look at the 3 guys. that's yj btw, the nice one to help me out. haha

and they did things behind our back, dont know when were these taken, during mj i guess

i cant remember mj details too, i just remember insisting everyone to play until I WIN! hahahaha

then everyone started to sleep, or went off. i remembered i had no space to sleep. so when all the ppl who slept silently crept away, i witnessed it myself.but oh well, when everyone starts to become slightly sober, cant really expect us to still stay chummy right? haha, that's reality i guess.

and the ppl who continued sleeping were bums i swear. they slept for the longest time!!! until like 12 lor! meanwhile i was awake and called amanda, who left in the morning for church and promised to come back! heh

corpses.

by this time people left in the chalet : hui,me,jo,wt,th,daniel

which we all know is a weird combination. haha, well the intention was to check out on sunday since i figured noone was gonna stay but the three guys were really nice to stay and then i guess we all just bummed around till amanda and kw came.

meanwhile, leftovers

kfc for dinner.fortune feast!!!!!

then game with beer involved.

then star wars -.-

then wt suggested a midnight walk while bum(s) fell asleep.

we walked for the longestttttt distance and ened up in a place called mid summer nite breeze.

yep, the long island tea was good. so was the place, great place to be in the middle of the night. oh and the fish and chips was good!!

did i mention daniel STOLE my beer? i had 100ml left of my hoegarden. when he grabbed the cup and said 'can you hold your liquor?'

considering i concussed, i said not quite. then he took it and drank. thinking he would prolly leave a last sip for me i was doing smth else i cnt remember, and then when i looked back, OMG, EMPTY CUP!!!!!!!!!!!!

so much for quitting drinking.

and we also sat on swings, my fav, and the revolving thing, the last time i sat on it was 14. now i remembered why.

i swear they say the most classic lines ever:

'eh your nails very clean eh'

'ya thanks, i cut them every wednesday'

'... HAHHAHAHAHAHAHA'

'and my toe nails every thursday'

'eh, OKAY!'

'but the most important part is, really, really... ' -insert serious face-

'YOU MUST KNOW HOW TO RUB'

[he was giving lessons on massage btw.]

's. hui and t. hui are trying to make another 'hui' ' [omg she is gonna kill me =x]

okay, thats all i can remember although i think there's more.maybe you dont think its funny but they're more like situational jokes. but the nails one, it gets me everytime lol

and then, we took the longest walk back. i was damn tired by then. supposed to play this super difficult card game, called bridge i think, it's like solving a math qns i swear, so i played halfway and i fell alseep.

woke up at 1030, the check out time, panicked for abit then got scolded by sockhui to relax

finally checked out and went for brunch.

from us to her, nothing fancy but yepp.

and well, that's amanda's chalet. with her missing on the last day. haha

anyway although i think nobody will see this but putting the chalet together wouldnt have been possible if not for amanda's awesome-est friends. everything flowed pretty smoothly i'm very grateful! and all the people who helped me, physically, verbally, financially. and i guess i didnt fail as a organizer? haha i sound so cliche and corny i should go and die.

but still, i hope ahead of us will be happier days.