life's a game but it's not fair.

yesterday night i dreamt that mother and i went to malaysia. we were in a bus. passed by a closed road [how funny it's a closed road but we can still drive.] riots on the road. people were just bashing and really killing each other with sticks, bats. blood all over. there were people kneeling on the pathway, crying. the driver didnt care, he just drove, ran over eveyone. and every human he ran over it felt like we were going over a hump. could feel the human body below the wheels. went back to this hostel room. the mother climbed the stairs first. the stairs were pink colour. 2 men suddenly appeared behind me, with a jagged knife pressing against my neck. the knife was hooked at the end. screamed for my mother but she didnt care. when she finally did turned, she was exceptionally calm and said she'll go dig for money. she never came back. robbers tried to snatch my wallet but i cried that it was a fake. somehow we ended up in the next room watching tv and chatting. nice. one of the robbers had like unkempt shoulder length hair.

☆amanda†★ says:
this is like your second dream that a vehicle ran over someone
☆amanda†★ says:
last time was over aaron right
☆amanda†★ says:
sadistic dreams you have man
☆amanda†★ says:
i hope i nv feature in them
☆amanda†★ says:
and and
☆amanda†★ says:
your dreams are like rated R21 for gore and violence type

lol. well the first dream i dreamt i was driving with the father beside me then aaron dashed across the road, right in front of my car but before i could hit him he DISINTEGRATED. im not kidding he really disintegrated right in front of my eyes but then i felt i ran over someone. i stopped and opened the door. i saw his severed arm, minced at the joint, could see the bone and blood splashed across the road. a policewoman promptly arrived and just asked me to carry on driving. she squat down and started cleaning the mess with a cloth. i know, like why of all ppl aaron? haha, i didnt tell him though, who wants to know they disintegrated in my dreams and that his arm was severed and ran over by me right.

it's disturbing to have gory dreams. too vivid. is this a premonition? am i the next destined one to be ran over by a car?

anyway im so sick i feel like im burning inside of me but my limbs are cold. sigh
2 weeks to 3 project submissions yet i've done shit. i dont know what the late nights are for. i would just stare at the screen blankly and not know a word to type.

i've also been trying to read the book amanda lent me. it's a really good book. i generally like reading but im major slow. im not even one eighth through the book and i've tried to be like her, can just whip out a book and readily read. i cant. i need quality, uninterrupted time to properly read and enjoy, go into the scene the author is setting.

but my attention span is a little poor. once i start i cant stop because if i stop i'll never start. i tend to forget and to find a book that manages to keep my interest and attention up isnt too easy i guess?

plus i have a habit of not wanting to read last chapters or watch last episodes. because i will always feel that it's the end. the end to everything even though it might be a happy one. when i finish a book or series, what happens next? i can no longer read the book or watch it. re-reading or re-watching is a different feeling.

the story ends, and i have one less thing to keep me interested.