at my brother's now. it's definitely a bigger place with space and air to actually breathe in. it looks like its going to rain soon so that means i'll prolly fall asleep in another half an hour or so.
speaking of which, i've recently contracted a weird sleeping disorder. i seem to have lost the ability to fall asleep on my own but somehow as soon as i'm in front of the tv i can almost fall asleep like in an instant. when i shut the tv to properly sleep, i can never get beyond half an hour. this goes on a few times before i properly fall asleep, at the weirdest times ever.
joshua is mad cute but also mad irritating when he cries.
this is also the start to a very boring week. hope my weekends will be a little more fulfilling. school also officially starts this week but i really cannot be bothered with all the projects and what nots. im just really academically worn out, exams in like another 3 months or so with another 3 projects. i will die when sumei graduates. i just want more excuses to party. haha but then again who really needs excuses, just need the people. damn, but everyone else is either working or busy dating.
at times like these you cannot blame me for wanting to sleep my life away.
Monday, July 27, 2009
Thursday, July 23, 2009
twenty-one,still fat.
happy birthday to me =)
not that the =) really implies that im happy. i spent the last minutes of being twenty, and first minutes, or 45 minutes to be exact, with my two best buds. it was a no drinks, no food, no proper seats even at the century sq taxi stand. gossiping my literal youth away. i think it is as good as it can get. i'll be happy even if we were in the middle of the dessert.
photos can wait. and i just got kw's pictures, which i briefly conclude that i will never use an slr again because it's way too clear. not for people with round, pock-marked faces. i wonder how he must feel having to see the ugly photos. "walao edit what, edit liao, still ugly leh. waste time" then proceeds to fumble with stuff like blurring background, unknowingly making the flaws even brighter. not that im complaining about the skills! it's just the agony of facing ugly stuff.
well it's 2 hours and 5 minutes into being 21. i think things only matter if you put significance into it. money didnt drop from the sky. okay the taxi uncle wasn't too rude but when he sped at 110km/h on the pie i thought that was the end of me. but as with the past 20 years, im still alive. people die at all sorts of stage, birth, toddler, teen, adult, old. so having lived past 20 years is no mean feat.
also, as one grows older, the msges that comes in after 12 is lesser every year. okay or is it really just me? but somehow i feel extra grateful for those who cared enough to msg just minutes after twelve. yf was a minute early. phoe was on the dot. sumei came in next, candy's got the right name, she's perfectly sweet. Amanda msged to bother numbers, then came weiting, and yl surprised me. xueling and jolyn were beside me when they sent it, adelin's was rather unexpected but nonetheless thankful. daph and bf were awfully nice and then came madeleine =) because she's in aust, she had to stay till 2am on her side just to wish me. makes me just wanna hug her really really tight if she were in front of me. i don't even have to say a word. clocking in at 0225: wt then th and prata(he called himself that)
while i seriously wouldnt deny that substantial gifts entice me, at the end of the day it's really the little gestures that goes a long way. im a perfect sucker for little gestures. because you wouldnt really bother to do small things for people you cant give two hoots about, would you?
sometimes i look at the ppl around me, and wonder what did i ever do to deserve them? i'm neither funny, pretty or rich. plus i shout at them all the time, demand things, whine, be difficult. okay as grateful as i sound, i also must say there were times they chose their (boy)friends over me and dua me like 10 000 times, i guess i still love them very much. i mean i admit i do like to use emotional blackmail alot, more than any of my own friends do. but somehow they've never left me.. yet. well for those who did they're better off dead anyway. pfft.
perhaps i can make a birthday resolution to be more forgiving? nah, that wouldnt be me and why should i let you have an easy time dua-ing me? anyway im bound to break such a resolution within a week.
i suddenly feel how cinderella felt when her carriage turned back into a pumpkin, horses into mice, gown into rags. after today the party's over. no more excuses for me to not start work, no more drink-till-you-drop. oh and being 21 means i can go for plastic surgery , enter into official contracts and register for marriage w/o parents' consent. oh and vote. and go to genting's casino to throw my passport in their faces. no where's inaccessibke to me now. damn! what's the fun of doing things when you're legal?i remembered the cheap thrills of successfully buying hooch before we were 18, the adrenaline rush when you managed to sneak into a club before 18. no more, no more.
every birthday or new year i come with hopes and anticipation. but nothing's seem to changed. oh well, what will be, will be.
not that the =) really implies that im happy. i spent the last minutes of being twenty, and first minutes, or 45 minutes to be exact, with my two best buds. it was a no drinks, no food, no proper seats even at the century sq taxi stand. gossiping my literal youth away. i think it is as good as it can get. i'll be happy even if we were in the middle of the dessert.
photos can wait. and i just got kw's pictures, which i briefly conclude that i will never use an slr again because it's way too clear. not for people with round, pock-marked faces. i wonder how he must feel having to see the ugly photos. "walao edit what, edit liao, still ugly leh. waste time" then proceeds to fumble with stuff like blurring background, unknowingly making the flaws even brighter. not that im complaining about the skills! it's just the agony of facing ugly stuff.
well it's 2 hours and 5 minutes into being 21. i think things only matter if you put significance into it. money didnt drop from the sky. okay the taxi uncle wasn't too rude but when he sped at 110km/h on the pie i thought that was the end of me. but as with the past 20 years, im still alive. people die at all sorts of stage, birth, toddler, teen, adult, old. so having lived past 20 years is no mean feat.
also, as one grows older, the msges that comes in after 12 is lesser every year. okay or is it really just me? but somehow i feel extra grateful for those who cared enough to msg just minutes after twelve. yf was a minute early. phoe was on the dot. sumei came in next, candy's got the right name, she's perfectly sweet. Amanda msged to bother numbers, then came weiting, and yl surprised me. xueling and jolyn were beside me when they sent it, adelin's was rather unexpected but nonetheless thankful. daph and bf were awfully nice and then came madeleine =) because she's in aust, she had to stay till 2am on her side just to wish me. makes me just wanna hug her really really tight if she were in front of me. i don't even have to say a word. clocking in at 0225: wt then th and prata(he called himself that)
while i seriously wouldnt deny that substantial gifts entice me, at the end of the day it's really the little gestures that goes a long way. im a perfect sucker for little gestures. because you wouldnt really bother to do small things for people you cant give two hoots about, would you?
sometimes i look at the ppl around me, and wonder what did i ever do to deserve them? i'm neither funny, pretty or rich. plus i shout at them all the time, demand things, whine, be difficult. okay as grateful as i sound, i also must say there were times they chose their (boy)friends over me and dua me like 10 000 times, i guess i still love them very much. i mean i admit i do like to use emotional blackmail alot, more than any of my own friends do. but somehow they've never left me.. yet. well for those who did they're better off dead anyway. pfft.
perhaps i can make a birthday resolution to be more forgiving? nah, that wouldnt be me and why should i let you have an easy time dua-ing me? anyway im bound to break such a resolution within a week.
i suddenly feel how cinderella felt when her carriage turned back into a pumpkin, horses into mice, gown into rags. after today the party's over. no more excuses for me to not start work, no more drink-till-you-drop. oh and being 21 means i can go for plastic surgery , enter into official contracts and register for marriage w/o parents' consent. oh and vote. and go to genting's casino to throw my passport in their faces. no where's inaccessibke to me now. damn! what's the fun of doing things when you're legal?i remembered the cheap thrills of successfully buying hooch before we were 18, the adrenaline rush when you managed to sneak into a club before 18. no more, no more.
every birthday or new year i come with hopes and anticipation. but nothing's seem to changed. oh well, what will be, will be.
Monday, July 20, 2009
man, not superman
im coughing my lungs out and my right knee has 2 unknown bruises.
my itcy hands totally screwed up the internet connection and i swear this laptop is gonna give way soon. sigh, must i really spoil everything i use?
are people generally happy on their birthdays?
or maybe it's really just me that's weird. i spend an average 364 days per year looking forward to my birthday but what happens next when the birthday has passed? suddenly everything feels so empty, like you've reached the season finale of a series, only that in real life it continues on and on. and then suddenly you have nothing to look forward to, you might shift your attention to other dates like christmas, new year and only to have them pass one by one and feeling emptier than ever.
or perhaps it's the knowing that im done with yet another year of my lifespan. whether or not it is a happy thing depends i guess.
i realised whenever my birthday is relatively near, im not always happy. in fact i feel a little depressed. i have no idea why. maybe it's really just another day, with an excuse to have ppl buy you cakes and presents and to remind your mum of her labour pains exactly N years ago. there's no exceptional luck or anything like that.
i confess i think there's still some alcohol content in the blood. gotta pardon my poor metabolism. either that or my bad lack of sleep. i've to trying to sleep the entire day but i just couldnt. that is despite me being very very tired.
went to send madeleine off just now. cannot stand the moment when she eventually had to turn her back and walk into the gates and then that's it. and then you have to walk away yourself knowing that it would be a very long time before you should ever meet. sigh
damn sleepy. i can feel my organs all tied up and burning. haven't been the kindest to my liver this week.
yawn of the dead. hah
my itcy hands totally screwed up the internet connection and i swear this laptop is gonna give way soon. sigh, must i really spoil everything i use?
are people generally happy on their birthdays?
or maybe it's really just me that's weird. i spend an average 364 days per year looking forward to my birthday but what happens next when the birthday has passed? suddenly everything feels so empty, like you've reached the season finale of a series, only that in real life it continues on and on. and then suddenly you have nothing to look forward to, you might shift your attention to other dates like christmas, new year and only to have them pass one by one and feeling emptier than ever.
or perhaps it's the knowing that im done with yet another year of my lifespan. whether or not it is a happy thing depends i guess.
i realised whenever my birthday is relatively near, im not always happy. in fact i feel a little depressed. i have no idea why. maybe it's really just another day, with an excuse to have ppl buy you cakes and presents and to remind your mum of her labour pains exactly N years ago. there's no exceptional luck or anything like that.
i confess i think there's still some alcohol content in the blood. gotta pardon my poor metabolism. either that or my bad lack of sleep. i've to trying to sleep the entire day but i just couldnt. that is despite me being very very tired.
went to send madeleine off just now. cannot stand the moment when she eventually had to turn her back and walk into the gates and then that's it. and then you have to walk away yourself knowing that it would be a very long time before you should ever meet. sigh
damn sleepy. i can feel my organs all tied up and burning. haven't been the kindest to my liver this week.
yawn of the dead. hah
Sunday, July 12, 2009
five more please
can't really believe i start school tomorrow. i guess i've been idling for too long i forgot what i've been doing, okay it's not that long but once you start to idle you tend to forget everything else.
just the other i spoilt my laptop and of all things, the lcd screen which costs a whopping 1300 dollars to replace. then the next night i merely touched my cable box and it went bonkers so now it's spoilt too.
i hope next week goes well!
just the other i spoilt my laptop and of all things, the lcd screen which costs a whopping 1300 dollars to replace. then the next night i merely touched my cable box and it went bonkers so now it's spoilt too.
i hope next week goes well!
Monday, July 6, 2009
THE list.
it's a bloody raining monday but the phone calls are infinite.
as i got on in years, older and well hopefully wiser, there are just certain things i cant bring myself to do anymore.
for one, splashing across the page what i want for my birthday. and two, i never got whatever i wanted.
rather than saying what i want, it's easier to say what i don't want. i dont want necklaces, very pretty bracelets and rings are fine.
i like wrislets, clutches. oh and i need a watch haha
or basically, anything with a substantial brand. there i said it !
oh ya and can someone pls pls pls buy me that mini mahjong set???? dying to own one and it's only like 20-odd. i even know the shop besides mac's at tampines inter sells it. i just dont see a point if i buy it myself. haha
i've an ipod 3rd generation. so the next best upgrade would be an ipod touch haha
and i think in times like this im open to cash, no wait, i mean a substantial amount of cash
okay gotta do closing and my laptop's crashed. sigh i hate it when hardware goes bonkers, so helpless!
as i got on in years, older and well hopefully wiser, there are just certain things i cant bring myself to do anymore.
for one, splashing across the page what i want for my birthday. and two, i never got whatever i wanted.
rather than saying what i want, it's easier to say what i don't want. i dont want necklaces, very pretty bracelets and rings are fine.
i like wrislets, clutches. oh and i need a watch haha
or basically, anything with a substantial brand. there i said it !
oh ya and can someone pls pls pls buy me that mini mahjong set???? dying to own one and it's only like 20-odd. i even know the shop besides mac's at tampines inter sells it. i just dont see a point if i buy it myself. haha
i've an ipod 3rd generation. so the next best upgrade would be an ipod touch haha
and i think in times like this im open to cash, no wait, i mean a substantial amount of cash
okay gotta do closing and my laptop's crashed. sigh i hate it when hardware goes bonkers, so helpless!
Sunday, July 5, 2009
unrivalled.
if you don't have a filfthy rich boyfriend (or even a poor one for that matter), i figured the next best thing is to have an elder sister that might hopefully splurge on you once in twenty-one years. when i returned home to find the box lying on the bed i told myself to remain calm.
i know right? what's the big deal, other people have loads of that.
but not me.
besides i live on materialism : a preoccupation with or stress upon material rather than intellectual or spiritual things
i think i might smirk in my dreams later.
speaking of which buying movie tickets without prior bookings was sucha breeze, especially when you can beat the long line of patiently awaiting commoners to only have the tickets sold out when it's finally your turn. visa platinum ftw!
and look what OFFICIALLY ARRIVED:
EVEN IF I CANT ACTUALLY DRIVE I HAVE THIS AND IT'S ALL THAT'S ENOUGH FOR ME! MUAHAHHHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH THIS IS THE GATEWAY!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Wednesday, July 1, 2009
the start of countless birthday celebrations
the first day of July felt different. perhaps promising?
rain is probably an ominous sign but having it come after a draught feels refreshing, no?
i looked through my previous posts and felt i've let myself down for my lack of words lately. i mean i somehow feel that if i were to write a bit more i might balance my mentally unstable mind a bit more so i wont be acting up so frequently.
i think im getting very paranoid these days. i messaged tqt the yesterday then i got upset that she didnt reply. when she said she didnt receive i then realised the msg was in my drafts. haha! but im not gonna tell her that unless she sees this. she has a bad track record anyway. but then again i've always believed that humans are by nature fallible. they always do. and that they cannot be relied upon because they'll never put in a full 100 per cent unless for themselves.
on to more frivolous stuff.
msian highways are the best! the family drove up to genting last week and i got a chance to drive the long stretches of the expressways. OMG IT'S DAMN SHIOK!! the speed limit is like a 110km/h! initally i'd thought that speed for me is impossible but since it was a straight and endless road. the only downside was cars kept overtaking me. it sucks to be overtaken. haha and on occasions when i hit 120km i felt damn wobbly, like am gonna crash anytime. sigh, i still suck =( it's really my dream road. it's one way straight road and very little cars!!! oh and the road shoulder is DAMN WIDE!!! it's like another lane. for a kayu driver like me driving beside the road shlder is a comfort haha. i dont know why but msian roads just feel wider.
and i didnt get honked alot of times!! i only got honked once when i was reversing out. there was once i was about to do a u-turn then the engine stalled!! omg almost died. panicked like siao to restart the engine and slowly turned. the car behind didnt even honk me okay! im very sure in spore my one trip out i will get honked like at least 10 times im not kidding.
on monday i met up with phoebe and madeleine! for dim sum buffet again! haha
missed the two of them sooo much but phoe had to leave early for lessons =( mad and i ended up in bugis and then i saw jessie lim py. haha i was just looking in then i saw her standing there, like i really couldnt believe my eyes. lol madd commented that our way of greeting each other was an exaggeration. but she doesnt know jessie is an exaggeration herself. lol but i like her exaggeration, there's smth so sincere about it, it makes you want to believe in her actions. it was really good seeing her, reminds me of the times we do the silly stuff together.
one more random stuff.
school's pushed a week later due to the aust lecturers not coming in. whoch totally spoilt my plans because i've already booked my venue on the 18th. and on 17th i've great plans too but now on the 17th i've school from 1130 to 1830!!!!!! and 18th i've school till 1530! sigh.
im also not sure if what i want on 18th is what i'm gonna get. haha there's not many ppl on my list. and there's this risk that half of the lot wont come! haha so please dont fail me!
okay im gonna go work my list, the list of things that people ask me for but somehow never got any for me.
rain is probably an ominous sign but having it come after a draught feels refreshing, no?
i looked through my previous posts and felt i've let myself down for my lack of words lately. i mean i somehow feel that if i were to write a bit more i might balance my mentally unstable mind a bit more so i wont be acting up so frequently.
i think im getting very paranoid these days. i messaged tqt the yesterday then i got upset that she didnt reply. when she said she didnt receive i then realised the msg was in my drafts. haha! but im not gonna tell her that unless she sees this. she has a bad track record anyway. but then again i've always believed that humans are by nature fallible. they always do. and that they cannot be relied upon because they'll never put in a full 100 per cent unless for themselves.
on to more frivolous stuff.
msian highways are the best! the family drove up to genting last week and i got a chance to drive the long stretches of the expressways. OMG IT'S DAMN SHIOK!! the speed limit is like a 110km/h! initally i'd thought that speed for me is impossible but since it was a straight and endless road. the only downside was cars kept overtaking me. it sucks to be overtaken. haha and on occasions when i hit 120km i felt damn wobbly, like am gonna crash anytime. sigh, i still suck =( it's really my dream road. it's one way straight road and very little cars!!! oh and the road shoulder is DAMN WIDE!!! it's like another lane. for a kayu driver like me driving beside the road shlder is a comfort haha. i dont know why but msian roads just feel wider.
and i didnt get honked alot of times!! i only got honked once when i was reversing out. there was once i was about to do a u-turn then the engine stalled!! omg almost died. panicked like siao to restart the engine and slowly turned. the car behind didnt even honk me okay! im very sure in spore my one trip out i will get honked like at least 10 times im not kidding.
on monday i met up with phoebe and madeleine! for dim sum buffet again! haha
missed the two of them sooo much but phoe had to leave early for lessons =( mad and i ended up in bugis and then i saw jessie lim py. haha i was just looking in then i saw her standing there, like i really couldnt believe my eyes. lol madd commented that our way of greeting each other was an exaggeration. but she doesnt know jessie is an exaggeration herself. lol but i like her exaggeration, there's smth so sincere about it, it makes you want to believe in her actions. it was really good seeing her, reminds me of the times we do the silly stuff together.
one more random stuff.
school's pushed a week later due to the aust lecturers not coming in. whoch totally spoilt my plans because i've already booked my venue on the 18th. and on 17th i've great plans too but now on the 17th i've school from 1130 to 1830!!!!!! and 18th i've school till 1530! sigh.
im also not sure if what i want on 18th is what i'm gonna get. haha there's not many ppl on my list. and there's this risk that half of the lot wont come! haha so please dont fail me!
okay im gonna go work my list, the list of things that people ask me for but somehow never got any for me.
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