and they didn't even put up a fight; they didn't even make a sound

no handlebarrs

back to writing, need to get the momentum of typing.

it's a saturday and i'm sitting in front of the computer. usually i have no qualms being at home on weekends. that is if i actually get to choose what i want to do. for a very long time, unless i have school stuff i really have no wish to touch the laptop. feels like i havent drank in a thousand years either, a weird sense of obligation to stay sober all the time for school. still miss rebel though, sigh! i wish there was a day where i can be in bed 24/7, just drifting in and out of sleep. i really miss last december, it's only been two months but things somehow branched into ways we couldnt quite imagine. i know life's unpredictable like that but still, having something and then losing it can get overwhelming. i hate the fact that people come and go, all the time. cannot really handle the 'go-ing' part. i guess what i detest most is how other people's lives just change like that but never mine. major self-centered line haha, never really made an attempt to hide it either. oh well, getting used to changes is a bitch for me so sometimes it's a bit of a contradiction. surely i cannot expect things to always be the same nice fluffy situation right?

been feeling the most moody for a while now. i remember a period where i actually felt better. feel this need to be a bit isolated, cut off, tucked quietly in a corner. but at the same i feel damn crushed at people's indifference towards me. by now you're prolly trying to find your eyeballs that just rolled outta your socketss. nowadays im so dependent on my phone i feel upset if i wake up and there're no messages on my phone. how sad is sad seriously. so if you're a spammer like that or love me enough please message me morning, afternoon and night. esp good morning messages, they're like the best things to wake up to.

speaking of which, p randomly dropped a few msgs on me the day before. it was a nice warm fuzzy feeling to think that you've not been forgotten.

i have a thousand and one ulcers everywhere in my mouth, under my tongue and a sore throat. first signs of falling sick. yikes

fly me to the moon, let me play among the stars

h's birthday lunch some three weeks back. idk why but the uploaded pics are just major major grainy.







gross is kian seriously.

was at mandarin gallery the other day when phoe and i saw this chocolate/cake shop. there was a cake named potato and it looked like one too! it was damn cute so we had to buy it haha. the choc's really rich but i didnt think much of it though






major cute! the skin's choux puff and just pure chocolate in it.


my cny's never fantastic and there's no gambling in the family. i vow to make amanda's house an annual cny event. lol



i look like some vengeful spirit. everyone look at sumei's face. haha

gamblers in the world unite. the photos look horribly blurry so i just went to check my camera lens. thumbprints! but makes the pictures look smokeyy. special effects, haha. gotta credit amanda's sis for the candid shots though cos who cares about pictures when im fervently guessing whether the dices is DA or XIAO.










rare picture of my teeth



lady boss of gambling den. there's no other way to caption this seriously.







vengeful spirit part 2





i find this pic funny. amanda's the banker, carressing the board while twirling her hair. erotic vibe haha, plus so many things to do!



random picture of us. met for late lunch. i hope sumei quits her job and becomes unemployed so she'll have time for me


i have a shitload of projects waiting for me and i've been sleeping at the most absurd hours. i hate it. i hate how i cannot sleep as and when i like, i hate how i have to be forced to wake up. but that said i also hate waking up late. i somehow feel that my day is only right when it starts in the morning, then i'll have more drive for things. if i start my day in the afternoon i become terribly lazy and slow, that is unless i have something awesome waiting for me at night. haha i also do not understand why people claim they wish to have more hours in a day solely cause they want to finish what's on hand. do you sersiouly think that the workload's gonna remain the same if there are what, 48 hours in a day? and why must it always be why leave something till tmr when you can finish it today? isnt it the same when i say why do something why you can leave it till tmr? because if tmr never comes i shouldnt be wasting my time on things like that.


real lazy and reluctant to start on projects. it's a friday, nobody should do work on a friday, much less than have school on sat 9am. and i hate doing serious work on an empty stomach. whenever it comes to studies i have this complusive need to eat and stuff myself. bad real bad. i could do with some rochor tau huey now now now or the tang yuan peanut soup from 85. yums yums. feb always seem to pass fast. duh only 28 days. that's 2 months past boxing day and 10 months to boxing day. haha or kfc cheeeese fries. and i really wanna try the egg tarts, or steamed milk! oh speaking of food for the entire cny i havent had a single steamboat. i loveeeee steamboat =(

i should really make it a habit to startwriting more, sometimes thoughts need a channel outlet, to stay sane.

okay parents are back, NO FOOD!

fml =/

i'm like the ringleader, i call the shots

im doing everything except projects. decided to give myself a reality check by checking the submission dates. and now im so overwhelmed by reality im actually escaping from it. did i mention i sent 4750 smses last month and was beaten by x by 11 smses? damn. i really wanna hit 5000 for once. is it weird that i derive pleasure from sms count?

company dinner last night, food was pretty good. lucky draw-ed 50 bucks cash. i feel pretty blessed and that was it. dont know when i can geddit though. i feel like im living on my toes every week. this sucks. im having a headache. the project wont compile by itself. my eyelids ae so heavy. the date writes 24/2/10. that's 10 more months to christmas.

it's a day short of three weeks. everyone i love who loves me enough should know about this. it was a personal decision to do it. perhaps the last thing to bear witness to my adolescence before my youth depletes. okay make that second last.

this love aint gonna be perfect

from last thursday till today is one day short of a week yet it felt like a whirlwind.
rebel-ed twice in a row and was it good. if i could i would have went for a third night. had to tidy the room in a mad frenzy, which meant throwing things into corners not easily seen. and it was just non stop eating and stuffing of food. yesterday was good, gambled for the first time in 2010. mad happy i broke even for 'big small'. i started out losing!!! and then impromptu mahjong! YAY I WON TWO BUCKS!!!!!! MAD MAD HAPPY OKAY! considering i was playing with people who play super fast and are prolly experts. all the fervent mahjong movie watching paid off muhahahahhahha. im so not a gambler seriously.. i just want to breakeven and when i win i just want to cash out. haha wouldnt deny the past one week's good. that is despite all the drama i decided to stage and now im left in the middle of nowhere. thank god for jolyn. haha which is funny because i dont know whether she was trying to drown me on the first day of cny or what. haha and all the late nights of doing nothing but just tv.. sigh i miss it already!

by now cny would already be considered over. work resumes, school resumes so nobody really has the extra time i guess. sigh! and i kind of hate having to face the computer now, it just means i'll have to put together that damned assignment and start on another one that's due soon. which obviously i've not started on both. past few days did feel like i've taken a break from life. oh well, hell starts tmr i guess. i've photos but too lazy to upload it.

till then.

if i ever leave, rest assured i wont look back.

just came back from rebel. i think i've never left so early before? at this time it would just be lights on. and im already here, showered and awake and sober.

no, whatever im typing here might be a spur of the moment but i will not regret. it was a short but nontheless heartwrenching night. i dont regret the things i said, yet i cant quite comprehend. i've personal issues and i cant quite put my finger around it. i remember every word you said oh so clearly. our last night. apparently your definition of 'our' was blatantly different from mine. whatever it is, i think im becoming more void of emotions these days, or rather compassion?


bottomline is, i need to accept reality much.

look right through me

i cannot be bothered about projects.

i've like two drafts to complete by monday and i've started on none. which is terrible because i cannot seem to find a starting point, much less a momentum. so in order to get my typing flowing i guess i have to start from here.

3 days ago i did something i'd never quite thought i'd do. like yesterday i woke up in the middle of the night thinking how did i do it? and i guess this feeling was my driving factor. for one i feel that my youth is depleting, so anything under the adolescent category has to be done by this year. second there's no better time to do it. if i clear all my modules i would be coming to the end of my escape from the society come year end. third, i've been trying to push my limits for abit and life is truly too boring the way it is now. i think making this decision is a big deal for me, not quite so much for others. so this time it's a personal challenge and i wouldnt deny that i'm pretty much enjoying the reactions. i finally meant what i said.


the past friday was lazy friday. went for mummies exhibition and afternoon tea at 1 caramel. damn determined to try the shortcake next time. spent the day pretty much in town today. as we were going down the escalator x said she spotted s, to which i gave a mere 'but she's at work la, you see wrongly is it', still i did glance abit and it was really s!!!! i msged her earlier in the day to ask if she was working and that i really wanted to meet her. seriously if you think about it, what are the chances? so i was mad happy i managed to see her! and that she wasnt the last to be informed. yay. it so happened that she was part of the great send-off of spore's richest man. and boy was it grand. eight billion, that's twelve zeros.


i see a boring week ahead. am i the only one who doesnt quite enjoy cny?

because im the eptiome of all things revengeful.

immaculate. nobody will be as perfect as he is.

Well, when you go,
So never think I'll make you turn to stay.
And maybe when you get back,
I'll be off to find another way.

procrastinate more and die

totally changed the template to the new one so i could have comments. haha haloscan was shutting down and there wasnt a better option. guess i just cant live without comments on my life. and and, follow me!!!

it's been so long. looking at the photos now, i just hate myself or being fat haha.
sometimes when you harp on something and feel that if it doesnt go well it's end of the world or something, it isnt true. when time's past and you look back, life is so much bigger and nothing is too important. because life goes on, the earth is still revolving and the sun still shining.
im gonna go fight wih hxl now. more stuff laters.