no handlebarrs

back to writing, need to get the momentum of typing.

it's a saturday and i'm sitting in front of the computer. usually i have no qualms being at home on weekends. that is if i actually get to choose what i want to do. for a very long time, unless i have school stuff i really have no wish to touch the laptop. feels like i havent drank in a thousand years either, a weird sense of obligation to stay sober all the time for school. still miss rebel though, sigh! i wish there was a day where i can be in bed 24/7, just drifting in and out of sleep. i really miss last december, it's only been two months but things somehow branched into ways we couldnt quite imagine. i know life's unpredictable like that but still, having something and then losing it can get overwhelming. i hate the fact that people come and go, all the time. cannot really handle the 'go-ing' part. i guess what i detest most is how other people's lives just change like that but never mine. major self-centered line haha, never really made an attempt to hide it either. oh well, getting used to changes is a bitch for me so sometimes it's a bit of a contradiction. surely i cannot expect things to always be the same nice fluffy situation right?

been feeling the most moody for a while now. i remember a period where i actually felt better. feel this need to be a bit isolated, cut off, tucked quietly in a corner. but at the same i feel damn crushed at people's indifference towards me. by now you're prolly trying to find your eyeballs that just rolled outta your socketss. nowadays im so dependent on my phone i feel upset if i wake up and there're no messages on my phone. how sad is sad seriously. so if you're a spammer like that or love me enough please message me morning, afternoon and night. esp good morning messages, they're like the best things to wake up to.

speaking of which, p randomly dropped a few msgs on me the day before. it was a nice warm fuzzy feeling to think that you've not been forgotten.

i have a thousand and one ulcers everywhere in my mouth, under my tongue and a sore throat. first signs of falling sick. yikes