twenty-one,still fat.

happy birthday to me =)


not that the =) really implies that im happy. i spent the last minutes of being twenty, and first minutes, or 45 minutes to be exact, with my two best buds. it was a no drinks, no food, no proper seats even at the century sq taxi stand. gossiping my literal youth away. i think it is as good as it can get. i'll be happy even if we were in the middle of the dessert.

photos can wait. and i just got kw's pictures, which i briefly conclude that i will never use an slr again because it's way too clear. not for people with round, pock-marked faces. i wonder how he must feel having to see the ugly photos. "walao edit what, edit liao, still ugly leh. waste time" then proceeds to fumble with stuff like blurring background, unknowingly making the flaws even brighter. not that im complaining about the skills! it's just the agony of facing ugly stuff.

well it's 2 hours and 5 minutes into being 21. i think things only matter if you put significance into it. money didnt drop from the sky. okay the taxi uncle wasn't too rude but when he sped at 110km/h on the pie i thought that was the end of me. but as with the past 20 years, im still alive. people die at all sorts of stage, birth, toddler, teen, adult, old. so having lived past 20 years is no mean feat.

also, as one grows older, the msges that comes in after 12 is lesser every year. okay or is it really just me? but somehow i feel extra grateful for those who cared enough to msg just minutes after twelve. yf was a minute early. phoe was on the dot. sumei came in next, candy's got the right name, she's perfectly sweet. Amanda msged to bother numbers, then came weiting, and yl surprised me. xueling and jolyn were beside me when they sent it, adelin's was rather unexpected but nonetheless thankful. daph and bf were awfully nice and then came madeleine =) because she's in aust, she had to stay till 2am on her side just to wish me. makes me just wanna hug her really really tight if she were in front of me. i don't even have to say a word. clocking in at 0225: wt then th and prata(he called himself that)

while i seriously wouldnt deny that substantial gifts entice me, at the end of the day it's really the little gestures that goes a long way. im a perfect sucker for little gestures. because you wouldnt really bother to do small things for people you cant give two hoots about, would you?

sometimes i look at the ppl around me, and wonder what did i ever do to deserve them? i'm neither funny, pretty or rich. plus i shout at them all the time, demand things, whine, be difficult. okay as grateful as i sound, i also must say there were times they chose their (boy)friends over me and dua me like 10 000 times, i guess i still love them very much. i mean i admit i do like to use emotional blackmail alot, more than any of my own friends do. but somehow they've never left me.. yet. well for those who did they're better off dead anyway. pfft.

perhaps i can make a birthday resolution to be more forgiving? nah, that wouldnt be me and why should i let you have an easy time dua-ing me? anyway im bound to break such a resolution within a week.

i suddenly feel how cinderella felt when her carriage turned back into a pumpkin, horses into mice, gown into rags. after today the party's over. no more excuses for me to not start work, no more drink-till-you-drop. oh and being 21 means i can go for plastic surgery , enter into official contracts and register for marriage w/o parents' consent. oh and vote. and go to genting's casino to throw my passport in their faces. no where's inaccessibke to me now. damn! what's the fun of doing things when you're legal?i remembered the cheap thrills of successfully buying hooch before we were 18, the adrenaline rush when you managed to sneak into a club before 18. no more, no more.


every birthday or new year i come with hopes and anticipation. but nothing's seem to changed. oh well, what will be, will be.