you're desperately asking if you sounded desperate

horribly lazy. work's gonna be this big drag, i hope the person i see tmr is not who i think it is? i should bring a penknife with me in case i have to slit my wrists. but wait, surely the kitchen has bigger, sharper knives. plus i'll be working for 5 days in a row. nice.

caught the ugly truth twice over the week. it's surprising how i can still manage to laugh the second time. katherine heigl's really funny and hot but at times she looks a little weird. i wanna catch f1 rocks to see beyonce and gwen stefani and listen to i gotta feeling live. i wanna see lindsay lohan in person because its just hard to think that she's in the same country and breathing in the same air as me. that is after seeing all her pictures on ontd. i wanna go to fuel party and hear will.i.am and samantha ronson. and its all fulllllllllllllllllllllllllll! sigh my life sucks.

on a hopeful note ting says she'll give me 500 bucks if she wins 1 million in toto. but she will run away if she wins 9 million. that's a really nice friend i've got there.

anyway everyone's talking about fmylife.com recently. im kinda hooked on it. i dont know, maybe it's a sadistically good feeling to know there are ridiculous things out there happening across the globe everyday so i dont have to too sad about mine too? some are rather unbelievable too but you can never doubt the things that happen in real life. afterall, scenes in movies must have been inspired from somewhere too?

" Today, I got a phone call for a interview at Target at 4:30 pm. I got super excited, so I got dressed up and headed over there. I tell the manager that I am there for my interview. He doesn't know what I'm talking about. My friends had prank called me. FML "

" Today, I received my passport in the mail. They got my birthdate wrong. Then I picked up my birth certificate that I had sent in with the application. Turns out my parents have been celebrating my birthday on the wrong day for 16 years. FML "

meeting ting tings tmr!

anality at its prime

i've been trying to write something but my life is so utterly meaningless im like.. speechless. really wished i permanently stayed in rebel. i know it sounds awfully silly but anything is better than projects at this point of time i figured. im gonna have to work in oct and mega mega birthday celebration coming up! like im totally banking all my hopes on this one to get liver cirrhosis.

parents going to malacca tmr. car will be parked in the lot for show!!! i totally gave up on driving i guess, i dont even know what's a gear anymore. where's 1,2,3,4?

okay random, i think im gonna go sleep and hope to wake up really late because for the past week i couldnt sleep and wake as and when i like to, major torture in life!

my undoing

i've opened the word doc for long enough. yet i cannot seem to bring myself to continue my project. every section of the project i do it with most grudge and unwillingness. as much as i wish it would somehow turn into passion it's apparently impossible. every word i type i feel that it's pulling me closer towards failure.

i remembered, and told myself to remember hard that i must have pride in my work. and i vividly recall it was my cca teacher who told me so. right, of all people, your cca teacher ? to think those who went through official training and are considered professionals never taught that in sch. but the point is, lately i looked at my work and i hesitate to call it mine. whatever i've done, whatever i've submitted, is not only below average, but lack effort. i hate work without effort, its so... trashy?

but yet every night i've been sleeping at 3 am, waking at 9am, coming home after the sun sets.
but what have i done? what did i do? nothing substantial.

when i think of this i want to punch myself really bad, but asking me to redo, i think i'd rather punch myself. it's like im caught in between my own trap, my own expectations vs my capability vs my capacity vs my laziness. i dont have to say who wins do i?

joel hates me for my pessimism. it couldnt have been easy on him, the only group mate around constantly talking about how we're gonna fail, how we are never going to finish, and how bad the work is. and i've been whining like nonstop.

have .. to .. get .. back .. to .. work..

why're you so obssessed with me?

2 project submissions this week. wish me luck. need loadsa that.

provocative.

sometimes when you reach a certain age, you tend to think too much in innocent sentences you blurt out.

just yesterday we booked the discussion room which had 4 powerpoints but one of which was faulty. so i told kian to 'faster poke your plug in' and when he wanted to transfer some files through the thumbdrive i said 'eh, insert yourself pls.'

ok fine situational jokes are no funny when you type it out.

a small snippet of conversation btwn amanda and me the same night,

'eh so meet 4 ish can?'
'should be can but dont get your hopes up too high!'
'dont worry, im too tired to get it up'

but i think the most classic one is what yellow snowbell said and i can almost never get it off my mind, i almost use the word everyday and now whenever i say it cant help but giggle a bit.

'are you COMING soon?'


IF you get it.