dont stop, if i fall. and dont look back

met c today. semi cheated into some hi-tea buffet and caught alvin and the chipmunkks. Theodore is mad cute i swear! everytime he appears i just feel like jumping up from the seat and grab him. haha talk about delusional.

well in a while it will be my 4574533th attempt at sleeping early. yesterday was another failed attempt. slept at 2 ish, woke at 4 ish and 6 ish. intervals. right. while i was lying on the bed i figured my ipod might make a good companion. played two albums of mcr and woah, do i miss them.

i remembered for a very long time i was fervently reading up on horoscope forecasts but then at some point of time i gave up and forgot about it because time and again it was nothing but empty lies and promises, which are sadly what i always rely on. i mean i still believe in horoscopes governing certain character traits but forecasts are really.. bullshit. but then i just went to check my jan forecast. damn! haha im really this big time sucker for such things, even when i am failed again and again , there's still some secret expectations i guess.

suddenly as im talking to tqt i miss the poly days so much. it was nothing but waking up to see the three of them and gossiping all day long. but now i've no idea where they are scattered. okay fine i know but meeting seems to be really difficult somehow. those days were priceless. and of course there were the secondary school days, where sudden spot checks were the only worries. 

i wonder why when i was little i wanted to grow up. and didnt believe it when adults told me when im older i would wish i was younger. oh i think homework was the driving factor to wish to grow up. i still hate the homework and no tv part. but nobody really hates a child, nobody places too much emphasis on a child's weight, the things she uses, the clothes she wears, the money she's got, the thoughts that run through her
mind, the mind games, manipulation.


if we only live life once like what everyone says, what are we still afraid to live it? with every minute gone it doesnt come back, so what's stopping us? consequences, that's probably what we are afraid of. but even so, doesnt consequence pass with time too? then maybe it's scars? memories? boils down to fundamental self? oh well, such a spiralling thought.