this will be my 100th post. the dreams in which im dying are the best i ever had.

song of the mo - mad world.



i don't even know how i should start this post. i figured typing something might actually help me now, just to soothe things out for abit. maybe i can start with how for sq we've a sudden group member, or how i climbed two overhead bridges to pay exam fees which are not even mine, but just for amanda (who is very impt to me and deserves everything i do for her). how my cough is worsening by the minute, how i have no recollection have anything i've been doing. every action is like mechanical and without much thought. which i have to say, is kind of scary. it's only the sixth day into the new year but the lethargy is overwhelming. i think i have issues, but it's not the kind that you can ask 'what happened?' and then i'll be able to answer you a specific event or something. it's more like a build-up of things.  anyway lately i guess i have been too reliant on people around me and this is going to kill me if they should ever leave one day. perhaps you might jump to your defence and say you wont leave, but somehow we all know that isn't true. okay maybe not leave completely but just the drifting apart thing is enough to kill me. and i guess it also isnt about leaning on reliable people or not, it's just that i need to grow a backbone and stop relying on the comfort of others. if there should be anyone to depend on, it has to be myself. nothing seems to be inspiring enough for me to write at length about so i guess the lack of content and substance is like a reflection of my life for now. well i do hope this is a transitional phase, but it does seem that the last few posts wasnt anything too cheery or chirpy to go by.

frivolous note, classes have been way boring and i've been messaging throughout the 3 hrs. i still cant really accept the fact that i've already started school and forming project groups! and that my sister is going to rom in 2 months time. the one that shares the room with me and kicks me when i cough in the middle of the night is gonna go start her own family now. as much as we hate each other, i'll still miss her. haha i remember the days i came back from a horror movie and i would deliberately be damn noisy so she'll wake up in the middle of the night and i'll feel better that she's awake. i used to always bug her and asked if she loves me, and she'll give a ' of course not! ' . sighh, i'd rather share the wardrobe and the space than have it all to myself.