You keep ya love locked down, you lose

woah cant believe it's 3pm and technically speaking i havent started my day yet. a random message sent today uncovered an important negligence on my part. an important friend pointed out that my priorities and focus has been blatantly shifted lately. im neither defensive nor offended. neither am i guilty. truth is i've never quite been away or missing, but sometimes we trap ourselves in what we want to believe in and it just spirals downward. perhaps one of the reasons for not reaching out is for fear of rejection, or just pure assumption, then who is to read whose mind? well of course im not shirking responsibility for portraying myself in such a way that i made you feel that i wont have time for you. note to self: will work on it. on another frivolous note i credit myself for blogging adequately these days although the contents are really really short. gonna upload a's twenty-two pics soon. some of them. i look at the photos and noticed that is it the day itself or is it me giving put very psychotic looks these days? im not paragraphing on purpose cos anyone who can read a whole blob of words is either 1)loves me 2) too bored 3) very very kpo indeed. or maybe 4) plain dumb. so i have to keep typing in order to make this a really reallly wordy post. and im still on the bed. parents off up the hills pulling jackpots. and next weekend they're going over to bkk. they were supposed to bring me but apparently my presence must not have been impt enough because one night they casually mentioned they were travelling next weekend. so where does that put me?!! i figured im gonna go back to sleep abit more because i woke up the wrong way today. and way too early. first opened my eyes at nine am but i forced myself to sleep. is it not sad that sleeping must be forced? whenever i have nothing on for the day i wake really early and when i have an itinerary for the day i cannot seem to get up on time. anyway more about me, duh cos this is my space, i really appreciate the stay home days. i think im lacking in that actually. need to cut myself off people sometimes, just to settle myself abit so i dont act up on them. im a really slow person so i need to take things slow and the zen way. only when im alone i hear my thoughts, i think about myself, how to tackle things, relationships and fundamentally myself. if i cannot tame myself how do i become a better person for my beloved ones? plural. i dont know, i feel a strange funny need to be there for people if they should need me, even when im in mud myself. well, we cant possibly hug together and jump down the mountain right. maybe it's cos my blood type's o, imma a giver haha. woah this is getting random. let's see how more random i can get. i keep forgetting my passport's ready for collection and im supposed to go collect it. it always slips off my mind like it's never happened. this is bad, real bad, michael jackson. and i just love kanye west too much. im looping love lockdown. the chorus is splendid! this song stirs up alot of emotions. and suddenly i miss yanleng jolene qianting. i wonder if they still remember me though. i wonder if they know ur picture is faithfully sitting on my cell as wallpaper, that the first thing i see every morning is them. oh and and i've successfully mastered the art of long messages, now im gonna hone my skills everyday and next time is to close my eyes while msging. that is also why i need my buttons. can reply in 5 secs flat, better than instant msgsing sometimes. and im anticipating this month's sms count. heh, it was 1700 ish last month. replying frivolously is love indeed. im such a spammer seriously haha. and i've wanting to eat manhattan's platter for the longest longest time sigh! i wonder does anyone still eat fish n co? but apparently the recipe was from fnc's. oh well who cares really. and madeleiene's back in town but i still havent met her. undeserving friend she has in me. well she's been the one cancelling out on us! she's so busy she prolly forgot my surname. i think i've managed to type pretty much. and if you ever ever made it to your way here faithfully you are either a) infinitely bored b) im too cool thats why you keep reading c) you love me immensely d) siao. well, you know you love me!

xxoo because im dying to be different,
the AWESOME-est!


p/s just felt like i've been talking to myself all along. and i sound kinda happy!